Making A Choice

"Devon." I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. "I just emailed you. I-"

He stepped back and looked around. With a puzzled look on his face, he turned back to me. "Yup, this is my place. What the hell are you doing in there?"

"I had to -"

He held up his hands. "You know what Janie, I really don't care. Just go."

"But we have so much to say and..." I trailed off as a tiny blonde appeared at Devon's side. I watched in horror as she wrapped her arm around him and smiled sweetly at me. I thought I was going to be sick.

"Go inside," he told her.

"What are you doing?" I barely was able to ask him after the chick went inside. "I thought..."

"You thought what Janie? That I would keep coming back after you shut me out over and over again?"

I stared at him. "Yeah," I shrugged. "Silly me, I thought you actually cared about me."

He sighed. "Janie..."

"Go to hell Devon." I pushed passed him. "Just take the blonde ride, she'll get you there."

I started to walk away when I remembered something. Turning around, I forced myself to meet his eyes. "I wrote you an email. I didn't know how to reach you but I figured that you would at least check your email sometime."

"What did you say?"

I chuckled sadly. "I said that I was searching for something." I took a step closer to him. "I wrote that I wanted you to love me and want to be with me because -" It hurt, telling him this when I knew that he had given up on me already. The proof was making herself comfortable in his living room as we spoke. "I love you Devon."

"Janie," he reached for me.

"No," I waved my hands in front of me as I tried not to let my emotions get the best of me. "It's just not meant to be, you and me. Maybe it's time we both realized it and stopped fooling ourselves into thinking that we could ever be anything more."

He moved closer to me.

"We keep hurting each other Devon. Since the moment we met, we traded insults and avoided letting our true feelings guide us."

His hands circled around my hips. "I don't want to hurt you," he whispered as he pulled me close.

"I know," I pressed my hands against his chest. "Just like I don't want to hurt you Devon. But we do, we hurt each other and -" I looked over his shoulder at the blonde as she stood in the doorway, watching us. "She's just proof of that."

He didn't even bother to look over his shoulder. "If I was alone, would you be saying this? If I told you nothing has happened? No," he shook his head. "I swear nothing has happened. I just got back to town and I know this looks bad but I -"

I covered his mouth. "It doesn't matter Devon, nothing is ever going to change, no matter how we feel."

Devon pulled my hand away. "I don't believe that Janie. I believe people can change, if they couldn't, then what is it I'm going through?"

"Hormones?" I joked.

"I'm serious Janie."

"But you haven't changed Devon, I thought you did but she's proof that you haven't. If you did, she wouldn't be here with you, no matter if anything happened or not."

The blonde came out of his place. "Nothing has happened between us," she told me. "Devon never even gave me the time of day before I ran into him tonight."

"It doesn't matter why or how -"

"Why not?" She asked me. "Because you are too stupid to give him a chance?"

"You don't know anything about us, so why don't you just shut up."

She shrugged and then smiled. "If you are letting him go, the whole female population of this town will love you for it."

"Well the whole female population can take a flying leap for all I care, this isn't about them!"

"But we still thank you," she turned to Devon. "I'll be inside - waiting for you." She gave me a look, as if she would stick her tongue out at me if she could've gotten away with it.

"Well," I flashed him a fake smile. "I better go so you can get started on pleasing the rest of the female population."

"Hey!" He grabbed my arm. "If you are walking away from me Janie, do it because you don't love me and don't want to be with me, not because you think I care what any other woman wants from me."

"Says the man who has one of those chicks in his living room." I patted his arm. "Do whatever you want Devon."

"Ok."

I blinked, I didn't expect him to agree that quickly. "Oh, ok. I'll be going now. Bye."

"No, not bye." He turned around and shut his front door. "Can I go with you?" He took my hand. "I want to go with you."

I hesitated. I knew this was it. If I walked away from him, it would be over. If I walked away with him, we had a chance to really see how we could be together. I thought about all the times in the past that he hurt me and I thought about what it was like without him. I knew that I could walk away and still go on, I was strong enough to make it over him.

I knew what I had to do.