I told Devon that I needed some time and asked him to leave again but he refused. He asked me how I could ask him to leave when I knew in my heart that I loved him just as much as he loved me.
"I don't want to leave because I'm afraid that you won't let me back in," he confessed when I didn't reply to his comment. "I don't know what I was thinking before Janie, but I know now that being without you sucks."
When I didn't say anything, he sighed. "Just let me stay," he begged. "I'll sleep on the couch. You don't even have to acknowledge me. Just don't make me go."
This was a side of him that I never seen before. I never heard him beg, I never saw him plead and I certainly never recall a moment when he would've been alright if I ignored him.
So that's what we did. He slept on my couch and I pretended to be ignoring him but to tell you the truth, I was more aware of him than ever before.
I'm not really sure how long he was camped on my couch and no, I didn't pretend that he wasn't there are all times - we spoke in the morning and watched TV together after Alexis was in bed. We fell into a routine and I became so use to him being there when I got home that when I hung up the phone two nights ago, I wanted to cry.
Devon was laying on the couch, watching some program on Discovery, when I hung up the phone. "Are you ok Janie?"
I couldn't form a complete sentence for the life of me.
"Janie?" He jumped off the couch and was at my side in no time. "Who was on the phone?"
Slowly, I turned my head upwards to face him. "That was Amber."
"Amber? How is -?" All the color ran from his face. "I think I should sit down."
"Devon..." I followed him back to the couch, where I watched him sit stiffly on the cushion. Sighing, I plopped down next to him.
"Is - is...." He shook his head, unable to complete his sentence.
"No!" I exclaimed and wrapped my arm around his back. "No."
"No?" There was such hope in his eyes. "Are you sure? Reed isn't....?" I shook my head. "Then..." he frowned. "Why did - what was with the look Janie?"