Hellfire

I haven't stopped shaking since that night. I haven't been into work, I haven't been out of this place actually. I'm too scared to be anywhere out there at the moment. Right now, I'm sitting on a couch in a room that I never thought I would see the inside of again. A place I didn't think I would ever be welcomed. The events of the other night has changed that.

That night. I want to cry every time I think of it. It's so unbelievable. I can't believe that it all started so innocently. It started with me getting ready to leave Amber and Reed's house after being over there most of the day last Saturday - God I can't even believe it's been a week since my life got turned upside down and inside out.

I was leaving Amber's house, getting ready to go home when Sean came over. I felt weird seeing him again since the last time I saw him, he walked out of my room instead of kissing me. At first I was pissed that he invaded my space but soon I was angry that he left without kissing me. Now though, I just fell strange when I think about what could've happened. Amber and I had joked since the moment she met Reed, how it would be perfect if he had a brother I could date but I never thought - I mean how could I even think about him or see him or anything without seeing Reed? And unfortunately, that's all I see when I look at Sean. It's creepy.

"How's my favorite sister in law?" Sean greeted Amber with a kiss on the cheek and then asked where Reed was.

Amber told him that Reed was still at work, "But please feel free to go and rescue him," she told him. "I would love to see my fiance," she giggled when she said 'fiance', it was cute.

"I'll do that," he told her, promising to have Reed home within the hour.

"Oh thank you!" She hugged him tight. "You have no idea how long it's been since -"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Sean held up his hands in mock surrender. "I don't need to know about my brother's sex life...ever!" He turned, as if to walk out the door and 'noticed' me - like he didn't see me before that. "Hey Janie," he had the nerve to flash his pearly whites at me like nothing ever almost happened between us. "Didn't see you there," he lied as his eyes ran down over my body. "You were heading out? Did you need a ride? I didn't see a car out there."

"No, that's -"

"Oh would you Sean?" Amber butt in with a grin on her face. "I would really appreciate it, Alexis is getting cranky and needs a bath."

So I that's how I ended up with Sean driving me home, once again.

"I wanted to talk to you about the other day," he said after a long silence as we drove to my house.

"I don't know what you are talking about," I stared out the passenger window.

He laughed, "Oh you know exactly what I'm talking about - Spitfire."

I rolled my eyes. "My name is Janie, do you have problems remembering simple stuff like that?" I turned to him, "I know they say the memory is the first thing to go when you get old..."

"Don't be worrying about my memory Sunshine, it hasn't forgotten the look in your eyes before I left the other day," he paused, glanced at me and smiled. "You wanted me, badly."

"Uh huh," I scoffed. "I want you, I need you...oh baby, oh baby!" I rolled my eyes as I quoted a line from '10 Things I Hate About You' - I had rewatched that movie the day before.

He just laughed but his smile faded as he turned a corner. His eyes widened, his jaw dropped as he stared, unblinkingly, out the windshield.

"I'm not that into -"

"Janie!" Sean reached out, grabbed my arm. "Please tell me I'm on the wrong street."

"No, this is..." I froze.

Sean pulled up to the curb. "Janie," he turned to me but I didn't see him, I was transfixed on the bright orange-red flickering flames and the black smoke that consumed my house. "Janie," he shook me. "I'm sure that it's not as bad as we think," he told me. "Let's go see where your mom is and -"

"Mom?" I felt my heart jump into my throat. "Mom!" I pulled on the door handle hard enough that it almost came off in my hand. Shoving the door open, I leapt out only to fall on my face onto the side of the road. "Mom!" I screamed out as I slammed into the ground.

"Janie hold on!" Sean ran over to me, he tried to help me up but I was crawling - that's right - crawling towards the group of people, my neighbours, who were all gathered as they watched my home go up in smoke.

"This can't be happening," I said as he pulled me off the ground and held me at his side. "I have too...I need..." There was a loud bang, I screamed and jumped. "Mom!" I wrestle against his hold but he wouldn't let me go.

"Janie I'll go check on your mom, why don't you sit down and -"

"You think I can just sit?" I stared at him in disbelief. "That's my HOME Sean! My HOME! And my MOM! Could you just sit?"

"No, I would have to know..."

"See? I need to go find -"

"But you can't get around that well Janie!" He pushed me backwards until I was up against his car. "Sit here and I'll go see what I can find out," he ordered.

I felt helpless as he ran from me and into the crowd. I can't even tell you what I was thinking at that moment, all I can remember is thinking that Sean would find mom and she would explain to me what was going on. She would tell me that she accidentally dropped her cigarette and it started a fire, like she did before. Only this time, I stared at the inferno that was my house. All my memories of being in that house started to flash before my eyes - playing in the back yard with my parents, barbecues, parties and sleep overs with Amber. Oh mom, what did you do? Why did you have to get drunk and start a fire again? How many times have I told you about smoking and drinking?

It seemed like a lifetime passed since Sean left my side to go find out what had happened. I was starting to wonder where he was, I decided to go find him when I heard a voice I certainly didn't expect.

"Janie! Oh thank God!" His arms were around me, his lips pressing tiny kisses all over my face as he mumbled his thanks.

"Devon?" I was confused, how did he get there? "What are you doing here?"

"Amber called me," he told me as he held me at arm's lenght and stared down into my eyes. "Baby I thought the worst. Amber called me freaking out, said something about fire and you...I didn't even take the time to ask, I just came over here." He glanced behind him before turning his worried gaze back at me. "What happened here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" A familiar male voice came from behind Devon. "Darla got drunk and burnt down the fucking house! God! She never fails to ruin my night!"

"Dad!" I gasped.

"What?" He glared at me. "Are you going to defend your mother this time? Tell me that she didn't mean any of this? That it was a mistake?" He started to mumble, I made out 'always throwing a wrench in my happiness, the spiteful bitch.'

"Mr Wells," Devon's arm slipped around my waist as he turned to my father. "I really don't think this is the right time to get into this, let's just wait and see what Mrs Wells has to say about-"

"I'm afraid that's not going to happen," Sean reappeared with a somber look on his face, his eyes were on me and nothing else.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Devon demanded as he tried to step between Sean and me.

Sean's eyes drifted from me to Devon, "I was bringing Janie home," he told him as he turned his attention back to me. "I'm sorry."

"Well it wasn't your fault," I said stupidly. "Amber did have to put Alexis to bed..." I trailed off as he cringed. "Sean what...?"

"Janie," he reached for me but I slapped his hands away and demanded that he tell me what he was sorry about.

"They couldn't help her Janie," he reached for my hands and I let him take them. I was shaking, I didn't want to hear what he was about to say, I had a bad feeling what it was. "They tried everything but they were too late," I felt my knees give out and Devon's arms tightened around my waist as he held me upright. "They just brought her out," he shook his head. "She died before they could get to her."

In slow moment, I heard him say those words. In slow motion, I looked from him to the fire and back again. "NO!" I cried as I struck out at him.

"I'm sorry," he dodged my punch. "I'm so sorry Janie, your mom didn't survive."

"No!" I screamed at him. He repeated that he was sorry and he made a move to come towards me but I turned from him...

...right into the warmth of Devon's arms. I pressed my face against his chest, my hands gripped his shirt as I sobbed uncontrollably for my mom.

It's been a week since that night, I know I said that before and I'm sorry I repeat myself it's not easy to wrap my mind around it still. Everything seems unreal. A dream. A nightmare.

Amber had asked Sean to bring me back to her place but I couldn't go there. I didn't want to be around them, they didn't know how it felt and I didn't want to be a burden to them.

He didn't know how I felt and I didn't want to be a burden to him either. But I let him take me back to his place. I let him hold me as I cried myself to sleep that night. I let him try and soothe me when I woke up screaming from the nightmares.

He's been so good to me since that night. He hasn't pushed me for anything, he's been here for me. He's let me do what I needed to do to deal with this and he's given me everything I could possibly need. He even resisted me when I started to strip for him, even though, I saw his desire for me in his eyes and in the telltale bulge in his pants.

He's been everything I needed and wanted. It has left me wondering why I ever thought he wasn't the man for me.

Did I give him the chance he deserved after everything happened with Kelly? Or was I still upset and getting back at him for all the times he hurt me in the past?

I wonder those things but neither one of those questions was the biggest question on my mind. That one was, why is he doing this? Why is he being so good to me after all I did? Why does he still care?