Beginning To Be Me Again

I woke up on the couch this morning, like I have a couple mornings since I've been here, and immediately I started to think about what I could do to show Devon I really appreciated all that he's down for me. Sure, something sexual crossed my mind but I didn't think I was really in the right place, mentally, to open up that can of worms again.

So I did the next best thing. I pushed the blanket back, rolled off the couch and headed into his kitchen. After a quick search of his fridge and cupboards, I decided that I would make him breakfast. I'm not much of a cook, so bacon, eggs, toast and coffee would have to be good enough.

"Well it can't be any worse than the junk he normally eats for breakfast," I muttered as I tugged the coffee filters out of his cupboard. On a normal morning, Devon got up at 6 to shower and shave. He was dressed and out the door by 7 so he could stop at the corner fast food restaurant for some imitation egg and bacon sandwich and really horrible coffee before he headed into the office for 8.

"At least I know how to make a great cup of coffee," I smiled as I pressed the button on his coffeemaker. "All those pots of coffee I had to make at the office are finally of some use to me."

As the coffee perked, I rummaged through his cupboards until I found his grill and toaster. "This is going to be great," I told myself as I heated the grill up and pulled the bacon out of the fridge.

A few minutes later, the bacon was sizzling nicely on the grill and the aroma of fresh brewed coffee drifted through the kitchen. After turning the strips of bacon over, I pulled a mug from the rack and filled it with the hot rich brew before heading off across the floor to Devon's bedroom.

Even though I heard him stirring a few minutes before, I still paused outside his door, knocked and waited for his 'come in'. "Good morning," I flashed him a smile as I neared the bed.

"Mmmm morning," he pressed his hands against the mattress to push himself up into a sitting position. "Couldn't sleep?" He glanced at the unused pillow next to his.

"No," I lowered myself onto his mattress. "I actually fell asleep on the couch last night."

"Oh, I see." He spotted the mug in my hand. "What's that?"

"Coffee," I held it out to him. "You still like it black, right?"

"It's for me?" I nodded and he smiled. "Thank you," he took the mug from me and brought it up to his lips. "Oh yeah," he sighed happily, "That's the ticket."

I grinned. "I'm glad you like it," I said as I stood to return to the kitchen and his breakfast.

"Where are you going?" He asked me. "Why don't you grab a cup of coffee and come sit with me for a few minutes?"

As tempting as he looked sitting there with is hair all messed up and sleepy expression on his face, I resisted and told him I had to go back tot he kitchen before the bacon burnt. I was halfway through his bedroom door when I heard him scramble out of bed as he mumbled, "before the bacon burns?"

I made my way over to the grill with Devon on my heel. "What are you doing?" He asked as he stared at the grill full of bacon before turning his disbelieving eyes my way. "Are you...making me breakfast?"

"Yes," I moved closer to him and pressed my hand against his chest. "I thought it would be nice to do this for you for being so nice to me since my mom..."

"Oh Janie," he placed his mug on the counter and pulled me into his arms. He rubbed my back and spoke soothing words to me as I sobbed against his chest. "You don't have to do this for me, you don't owe me anything baby."

"I know," I sniffled as I looked up at him. "I just thought it would be nice, you wouldn't have to go to the corner to get something to eat and..."

"That's a good idea," he reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "I like this," he nodded towards the grill. "I've never had anyone cook anything for me before."

"Don't get used to it," I chuckled nervously as I moved out of his arms.

"I won't," he grinned. "I'm not about to take this for granted Janie."

While I finished cooking breakfast, Devon set the table and then he stood near me with his back against the counter while he drank his second cup of coffee. "This is awesome," he told me for the third time. "It smells wonderful in here and that," he pointed to the plate of bacon and sighed. "I can't wait to eat."

It may not have been a big deal for me to cook breakfast for him but long after he had gone to work, I was still smiling. It felt good. It was the first time since the fire that I did something that made me happy.

And it really helped that Devon was very appreciative of my efforts. Plus he told me, before he left for work, how happy he was to see a smile on my face again. "It looks really good on you Janie."