Missing

"Janie?" Devon poked his head into my room again, looking a little worried. "Is there something wrong?" He took a step in as if he was ready to spring to action if there was.

"No," I shook my head. "Just watching Alexis play with my hair clips. She finds happiness in the smallest things I - I..." I started to well up with tears as I thought about the fact she didn't even know her life could change for the worst.

"Don't cry," Devon came to sit by my side, his strong arms wrapping around me as he pulled me close so my head could rest on his broad shoulder.

Wiping my cheeks, I told him I didn't want to cry. "I feel like I have to be strong for her but I'm not, I've never been."

"That's not true," he rubbed his hand up and down my back, trying to soothe me. "You've always been strong Janie and I've admired that about you."

"No," I chuckled sadly. "I haven't been strong at all."

"Sure you have," he insisted. With a smile, he added, "You've put up with me this long, that takes a lot of strenght."

"Whatever," I playfully shoved him away. "You just don't get lost." The moment those words left my mouth, I had a second of panic in which I wondered if he would take that seriously or realize I was joking.

Never in my life was I so happy to hear his deep laugh. "Come see what I've been doing," he held out his hand to me. Nodding, I scooped Alexis off my bed, held her to me and then slipped my hand in his.

I had some idea what to expect when I walked down the hall - I knew it had to do with breakfast - but I can tell you that it wasn't the 'picnic' breakfast that he had set up in the living room. I was shocked - Alexis was excited. "Devon," I glanced at him. "You didn't have to do this, you know."

"I know," he grinned as he took Alexis from my arms. He whispered something to her before he set her on the floor - she hesitated for a moment but soon she was making her way over to the blanket Devon had spread out. "Wait for us!" He called after her but she just giggled and continued towards the plate of bacon. "We better get over there," he threw over his shoulder as he went to join her.

"What are you doing?" He asked in a low growling voice as he grabbed her around the waist and started to tickle her. "Didn't I ask you to wait for Janie and me? Huh?"

As I watched them together, I couldn't stop myself from thinking that it never ceased to amaze me to see him with kids - it was as if he was a completely different person - like he stopped hiding who he is and just enjoyed himself. It was times like that told me I was doing the right thing by being with him - that giving him another chance was a good thing.

I went over to them. "I want in on this action," I laughed as I joined them on the floor.

Without missing a beat, Devon grabbed me around the waist and had me on the floor on my back before I could even tell him I meant tickling Alexis.

Breakfast with Devon and Alexis was the best meal I had ever had in a long time. Even if Alexis did get bits of food everywhere! It was worth it to see the fun side of Devon. When we were done, when we were cleaning up before I went to give Alexis a bath, I told him we had to have more meals like that.

Laughing, he told me that he wasn't sure that Amber or Reed would let us kidnap Alexis too much after he got out of the hospital. "Would you be fine if it's just me and you?"

I didn't give him an answer but I did make a point of noticeably checking him out before I walked away with a big smile on my face.

That night, when I was getting Alexis ready for bed, Amber called like she had been doing since the first night I had Alexis. Like every other night, she would speak with me for a minute and then ask me to put Alexis on so she could talk to her. I would spend the next five minutes or so, trying to hold Alexis still so I could hold the phone to her ear; although most nights it was actually Devon who was holding Alexis so she could talk to her mom. After Alexis starts to fuss really badly, I'd talk to Amber for a couple more minutes and then she would say she had to go.

Last night, she didn't seem to want to hang up. I had asked her a few times if everything was alright and she swore that everything was until she finally broke down and started to bawl. "Amber, tell me what's wrong."

Devon shot me a worried look but I didn't have anything to tell him.

"Is it Reed? Have the doctors said something?"

"Nooo," she wailed.

I shook my head at Devon so he knew what she said, although I think he could hear her. "Is it the baby? Have you been eating?"

"No," she sniffled. "The baby's ok."

"Are you?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she sighed sadly as she sounded like she was trying to stop.

"Then what's wrong? I can't help you if you don't tell me."

"I just..." she sniffled. "I mean..." she sighed and sobbed. "Everything is wrong," she sobbed again. "I miss Reed so much..."

"Amber he's still there, he wouldn't go anywhere without you, you know that."

"I know...." she sighed. "I just want to take him home....to be with him...and..." she sobbed loudly - Devon gave me a worried look. "I miss my baby..."

"I know you do Amber but he's doing the best he can to come through this. He wouldn't leave you, he loves you too much for that."

"I know...I love him too...with all my heart but -"

"No buts Amber, Reed will come through this."

She chuckled sadly, "I was...I mean...I miss Alexis."

"Oh." I looked down at Alexis as she curled up in Devon's arms. "She really misses you too Amber, she asks for you and Reed every single day."

"Does she?"

"Of course," I laughed. "How could she not miss you and Reed? With me watching her? She probably wants to run away!"

Amber laughed. "She sounds happy when I hear her, you must be doing alright."

"No," I admitted. "Devon is doing alright - me? I'm just trying not to scar her for life!"

"I'm glad he's there with you," she told me. "He's great with Alexis, you see that, right?"

"Yeah," I grinned. "I see it."

Even with Reed in the hospital, Amber was able to get there and try to sell me on why she thought Devon was perfect for me. "Think about it, ok?" She said at the end of her 'sales' pitch. "If I learnt one thing, it's that the man you love may not always be around."

"Amber," I said in a warning tone as she started to sound depressed again. "Reed will pull through this."

"He's strong," she sighed. "They moved him today."

"What?" She didn't say that before. "Why?"

"Well they say he is stable and his mom had been freaking about him not being in a private room, so they moved him."

"Well that's a great sign!"

She didn't say anything.

"What is it Amber?"

Taking a deep breath, she asked me if I had plans tomorrow after work. When I told her no, she asked me if it would be too much trouble for me to bring Alexis to the hospital for a few minutes. "The doctors say that he might be able to hear us and I think that he would probably be wondering where Alexis is." She paused and then added that she really needed to see Alexis, even if Reed couldn't hear her.

"I'll bring her down," I promised her.

The next evening after I got off work, I went by the day care to pick up Alexis like I've been doing for the last week. Normally Devon was there waiting for me with Alexis all ready to go but when I walked into the day care, he was standing just inside the door with a frown on his face. My first thought was that he heard something about Reed and it wasn't good.

"Devon?" I approached him hesitantly.

"Janie," he sighed.

"What's wrong?" My heart literally was beating in my throat. "Did you hear something about Reed?"

"No," he shook his head. "I just can't go with you to the hospital, I have a dinner meeting that I just can't get out off - I tried really hard."

"Oh," I probably didn't look that disappointed by the news because his frown deepened. "No," I groaned as I reached for him. "I didn't mean it like that, I just thought that you had bad news about Reed and you didn't, so I was relieved."

He nodded. "I should go. Tell Amber that I wanted to be there and I am thinking of her and Reed."

"Devon?" I went after him as he walked away from me. When he turned, I threw my arms around him. "I really wish you were coming with us."

"So do I," he kissed my forehead. "I'll see you at home, ok?"

I was still nodding like a moron when he walked out through the doors.