Caught You

I planned on telling Lenore that I didn't call Sean but I waited too long. I didn't even know it was too long until noon last Thursday when I looked up from the memo I was reading to see Sean making his way across the floor towards me.

"Who is that?" I heard the office whore, Jill, whisper from the doorway to the coffee room. I could picture her adjusting her cleavage like she did every single time there was a good looking man in the room.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jill heading towards Sean as he reached my desk. With a flip of her platinum blond hair, she flashed him a smile and held out her hand to him. "Hello, I'm Jill, how can I help you?"

"Actually," he sat on the corner of my desk, crossing his arms as he looked down at Jill. "I'm here to see Janie," he leaned in and whispered, "She's all the help I need."

Jill raised a brow in shock. She went to say something but Sean was already turning around to face me. "Good afternoon Sunshine, can I take you to lunch?"

"Well I sorta..." I motioned towards my desk, as if I had lots of work to do still.

"Unbelievable!" Jill scoffed.

"Janie did I tell you I had an interesting conversation with Lenore this morning?" He paused, glanced at Jill and then back at me. "Do you know what she had to tell me?"

My eyes widen, "She didn't!"

He nodded slowly, "She did."

Crap! "She didn't know what she was saying."

"Really?" He raised a brow, "She seemed pretty sure that -"

"Sean!" I jumped out of my chair, cutting him off before he could spill anything to Jill. I didn't need her to know any of my business - she tried to get with Devon when we were dating before, I didn't want that to happen again - he is mine.

I guess it's needless to say that I ended up going out for lunch at Ember Cafe, the same place we went the night I injured my ankle. Like that night, I really didn't want to be there with him but he seemed to be oblivious.

"I have to ask," he said once the waitress brought us our lunch and refilled our glasses. "Why did you tell Lenore that you called me? How did I come up in conversation between the two of you where she would think you'd want my number?"

I thought for a while - thought about telling him some bullshit lie but suddenly my mom came to mind and I started to think about how little time I could have - I didn't want any more bullshit than I really needed. Honesty was something I decided that I was going to try out for a while. See how it fit.

"Lenore thinks that you are interested in me," I told him point blank and I swear his jaw dropped to the table top. "She doesn't think that Devon is good enough for me and wants me to ask you out."

When Sean didn't react right away, I didn't know what to think so I continued. "I told her I wasn't going to ask you out but she insisted that I take your number and call you anyway." I sighed, "She kept bugging me so I told her I called you."

Silence settled over our table. I felt a little uncomfortable, I wanted him to say something - anything, I didn't care. Finally, after a couple rapid blinks, he cleared his throat. "Wh -" he frowned and reached for his glass of water, almost knocking it over in his haste. I waited for him to take a drink and then asked him what he was going to say.

"Wh - wh - " he coughed and then started again, looking a little confused. "Why does Lenore think I'm interested in you?"

I started to reply right away but slowly trailed off as his question sank in. "Wait a minute?" I leaned in over the table. "You aren't interested in me?" He didn't have time to reply for I shot off a series of questions. "What's with all the flirting then? The attitude towards Devon? The nicknames, what are those all about? And what about Christmas Day when you said you told Reed you were waiting for me? What was all that about Sean?"

"You know Janie," he grinned as he leaned back in his chair. "For someone who claims not to be interested in me, you seem a little too ticked the possibility that I'm not interested. Are you sure you are in Devon as much as you say you are?"

"Whatever!" I rolled my eyes. "I don't care if you are interested or not Sean."

"Uh huh," he chuckled. "Whatever you say Sunshine."

I turned my attention back to my food, ignoring him.

"Oh come on Janie," Sean reached his hand out towards mine and I pulled it away. "What do you want me to do?" He asked. "Tell you that you get to me?" My head shot up. "Is that what you want Janie? To know that you are always on my mind? Do you want to know how much I wanted to kiss you the night you hurt your ankle?"

I looked down at my plate.

"You were there Janie, you know how close I was to doing just that."

"Why didn't you?" I found myself asking.

"Look at me Janie."

Slowly, I tilted my head upwards until my eyes locked with his. "I wanted too," he admitted.

"But you didn't," I said unnecessarily. "You walked away from me that night."

"Yeah," he nodded slowly. "I did. I was staring down at you, you seemed like you wanted me to kiss you but there was something holding you back...Devon."

"What? Why do you think -"

"No, Janie," Sean motioned behind me. "Devon."

I quickly turned around, just in time to see Devon's smile, the one his lips turned up in when he spotted me, turn into a cold stare as he realized that I wasn't alone. I watched him lean in to say something to the guy he was with, the guy nodded and went with the waitress; Devon straightened his tie and started towards us.

To Tell The Truth?

"Lenore," I smiled sweetly at her. "While I appreciate your concern and I value your opinion, I know what I feel," I pressed my hand against my chest. "In here."

Lenore perked up, "What would that be dear?"

I placed my fork and knife down on the table in front of me and picked up my napkin. "Well," I spoke into the napkin as I gently wiped my mouth. "While Sean can be a nice guy I, personally, find him to be a little annoying and pushy. I don't see there ever being anything between us besides, maybe, friendship."

"Oh you don't mean that Janie," Lenore waved of what I said as if I was a silly child. "You should ask Sean out - go on a few dates - get to know him; you'll change your mind about him, I'm sure of it."

"I don't want to go out with him," I told her.

"Don't be silly," she slid her chair back from the table. "You should call him tonight, make plans to see him this weekend." Before I could tell her I wasn't going to call him, she jumped up and told me she had his number in her address book. "I'll be just a minute," she told us as she hurried out of the room.

I sat frozen in place as I stared at the empty space that she occupied only moments ago. I'm beginning to see what Amber was talking about all these years; Lenore is difficult! I didn't realize I said that out loud until I heard a chuckle. Slowly, I turned my head towards Carl, I forgot that he was still in the room. "I didn't mean any disrespect," I told him quickly, totally embarrassed.

"I know," he smiled at me. "Once Lenore gets an idea in her head, she doesn't know how to take no for an answer but she means well Janie."

"I guess she does but I'm not used to someone trying to..." I wanted to say 'control' my life but was that really fair? Yes, she wanted to be give Sean a call and go out with him but other than that, she was really nice to me.

"I'll tell you the same thing I used to tell Amber - humor her. It's easier to make Lenore understand that something isn't going to work, if you make an effort." He took a sip of his water. As he returned his glass to the table, he asked me if there was any reason I couldn't go out with Sean. "Are you seeing Devon again?"

"Well...."

The thing is, I wasn't. Devon and I didn't talk about getting back together at all. Sure, he was all touchy feely and romantic while I was staying with him but since I moved out, I barely see him. I know that it has a lot to do with our schedules and it was easier to make the time when we were tripping over each other at his place but I had hoped that it would continue. Although, he does call me every night, even when he's swamped at work, he's calling me to 'say hi'.

"Here it is!" Lenore called as she walked back into the room. "There you go dear," she handed me a sticky note with Sean's phone number on it. "I really think you should call him tonight Janie."

Since telling her that I wasn't sure that I would be anything more than friends with him didn't get her to back off, I tried it from a new angle. "I'm not sure Lenore, isn't it a little trampish for a young woman to 'chase' after a man like this? I mean, he does know where I live and I'm sure, if he was interested, he could easily get my number from Amber or you or even me for that matter. He hasn't because he's not interested in me."

"That's possible Janie," Lenore agreed. "Although, I think it was interesting that he was waiting for you Christmas Day."

I had nothing to say to that. I didn't understand why Sean was waiting for me that day and he didn't shed any light on the subject either.

I left their house that night having promised Lenore that I would call him before the weekend.

I didn't but I told her I did. Now she wants to know what was said, when we are going out and where we are going.

So I have two choices, tell her I lied or actually call him and ask him out.

I think I'm going to have to fess up to my lie because every time I reach for the phone to call Sean, I picture Devon.

Dinner With My "Parents"

After years of hearing Amber complain about her parents always butting into her business, I was expecting the worst when I moved into their guest house. Needless to say, I was surprised to find out that they were just as bad as they thought they were, only, I didn't mind. It was nice to have someone worry about me if I was late getting home. It was nice to have someone treat me like one of their own; my mom just let me do whatever I wanted.

Of course the part I didn't like was Lenore's unsolicited advice on my love life. "I'm only saying this because I don't want to see you get hurt again Janie," she said to me last night at dinner. "Devon is a nice boy, I've known him for years but dear, I worry that he'll only end up leaving you miserable. But," her face lit up. "Then there's Sean." Carl's head snapped up when Lenore mentioned Sean's name.

"Now Lenore, stay out of Janie's love life, she's better suited to figure out who she wants to be with." He smiled at me, "I think Devon is a good young man and Amber has mentioned that he's changed quite a bit in the last few months. Plus," he glanced at Lenore. "He was more respectable than Sean was at Amber's during Christmas."

"Oh what do you know?" Lenore waved him off with her hand.

Carl looked thoughtful as his fork hovered in front of his mouth. "Well," he said with a smirk. "I did arrange for Amber to meet Reed at his birthday party," he turned to me. "I always thought Reed's calmness would be a good match for Amber's flair for the dramatic. Of course," he shrugged slightly. "I didn't expect for Alexis to come along as early as she did; I didn't handle that well at all."

"Honestly Carl! Will you stop already? It's not like you had any role in them falling in love."

"Yes I did my Sweet. If I didn't make Amber go to that party, she wouldn't have met him and we wouldn't be having a wedding this year." Carl looked pretty pleased with himself. I can't really say that I blame him, Amber and Reed are a great couple, they seem to have everything going for them and they are perfectly fitted.

"Go on," Lenore scoffed. "You may have made her go to that party but I encouraged her to go out with him when he asked her out."

I smiled, it was nice to see parents arguing over who had a hand in their daughter's happiness as opposed to who ruined who's life. I didn't want to burst either of their bubbles and tell them that Amber only went out with Reed because she thought he was cute and he was older, which excited her. The fact that her parents approved of him, well, it wasn't a pro, if you know what I mean.

"Lenore," I smiled sweetly at her. "While I appreciate your concern and I value your opinion, I know what I feel," I pressed my hand against my chest. "In here."

Lenore perked up, "What would that be dear?"

Fun Times

I had planned on telling you all about the rest of my Christmas a while ago but between the move into Amber's parents' guest house and the horrible head cold I managed to catch, I didn't have the time to post.

It's been over two weeks since Christmas Day, so instead of giving you the long boring version of every moment, I'll just hit on some of the high and low points of the day - well that's the plan, we'll see how well that goes.

At 10:30 Christmas morning, Devon and I pulled into his parents' drive. "Janie, I have to tell you something," he said as he turned off the engine and looked at me.

"What is it?" I asked as I glanced towards the house, surprised by how nervous I felt to be there with him.

"I didn't tell you before, I didn't want you to worry but I think I should let you know my grandparents will be joining us for dinner."

My eyes widen, I started to panic. Spending time with his parents, having them judge me was bad enough but his grandparents? "Why?" I whined, "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I didn't want you to freak," he sighed, "Please don't be mad."

"I'm not," I sat back in my seat. "I'm just....surprised."

He was watching me, I could feel his gaze on me. "Do you need a minute?" He asked softly.

"No," I shook my head. "Let's go." I made a move to open my door and he told me to hold on a minute as he jumped out of the car to run around to open my door for me. He held out his hand, I smiled as I slipped mine into his. "Why thank you kind sir," I joked as I stood before him.

He grinned as his eyes travelled down my body and back up again until he met my eyes. "Did I tell you that you look amazing in that outfit?"

I smiled; I was wearing the sweater and pants his parents gave me. "You mom has pretty good taste, don't you think?"

He shrugged, "Maybe it's not the clothes that makes the outfit look amazing."

"What do you mean, how can the clothes not make the outfit?"

"I mean," he leaned down, "You make that outfit amazing."

I laughed, "Why Devon are you flirting with me?"

He pouted, "I was trying too."

"Thank you," I kissed his cheek. "You look pretty amazing yourself," I slipped my hands over his chest, my fingers enjoying the softness of the cashmere sweater his parents gave him.

I guess we were lost in the moment, or just spending too much time outside on our own for just when I thought Devon was going to kiss me, we were interrupted by his mother. "Devon dear," she called from the front steps of the house. "You and Janie should come in from the cold before you both catch your death of cold!"

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you" Devon whispered against my ear before telling his mom we were coming.

Dinner with his family wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I thought that his grandparents would be stuck up snobs who would hate me on sight but they seemed to really like me. In fact, his grandmother told Devon that I seemed like a 'good' girl and he would be wise to take that into consideration. "I want to see you happy Devon and I believe Janie can make you happy, if you let her."

Devon's reply? "Grandma don't worry about me, I'm happy."

I tried to pretend that I didn't hear this conversation, I didn't want to think about us as a couple or even me without him. But still the thought of being with him, well to be honest, it made my heart skip a beat. I really wanted his hands all over my body. I wanted to taste his skin. I wanted...him. Badly.

After we left his parents place, we drove straight to Amber and Reed's house. "Did Amber invite the entire neighbourhood?" He asked when we pulled into the crowded driveway.

"She told me it was just family," I replied as he helped me out of the car once again.

Reed answered the door when we rang the door bell, "Hey Amber! Janie and Devon are here!"

"Oh good!" Amber called from the kitchen. "Tell her to come in here!"

"You heard her," Reed laughed as he closed the door behind us.

After removing our jackets, Devon was attacked by a little girl in a frilly red and black dress. "Hey there Lexi!" He scooped her up into his arms and she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "How's my girl?"

Alexis started to 'talk' to him and he was captivated; he didn't hear me when I told him I was going into the kitchen.

In the kitchen is where it seemed to be where all the women were hanging out. I walked in there and instantly was greeted by Amber, her mom, Reed's mom and grandmother, Kelly and Nadine. "What is she doing here?" I asked Amber when she came over to hug me.

"Who?" She looked over her shoulder. "Kelly?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "After everything with Devon..."

"Janie, I invited Kelly and Chris because they are my friends." She sighed. "Please don't make a big deal out of this, she's not interesting in Devon."

"But Devon -"

"Loves you," Amber finished for me.

"He's not coming in," Reed groaned as he wrapped his arms around Amber's waist. "He just standing out there, staring off into space. I don't know what to do."

I shot Amber a look but she was focused on Reed. "Honey I'm sure it's nothing, what did he say?"

"He said he was waiting for Sunshine, what the hell does that mean? It's night!"

"I don't know Reed but I'm sure he'll soon change his mind and joy you guys," she kissed him. "Now go," she pointed towards the living room. "I have things to do still."

Reed pouted, he turned to me, "Now that she's agreed to marry me, I've been demoted; food is more important than me!"

"Oh whatever!" Amber scoffed. "You weren't complaining last night or this morning or..." Reed grabbed her, kissing her words out of her mouth.

When he let her go, she gave a girly giggle as she stumbled backwards, reaching for the wall to steady herself. "So ummm," she played with her hair as she gazed up at him, "I'll see you later?"

He chuckled deeply, "Of course my darling." He quickly kissed her cheek before wandering into the living room.

"Ahh," Amber sighed happily. "He's so perfect Janie, I love him."

Amber soon snapped out of the love haze that surrounded her and assigned me a food prep task like she did with the rest of the women in the kitchen. I was cutting up the vegetables that Kelly was peeling when I had the weird feeling that someone was watching me. I glanced towards the living room but Devon was deep in conversation with Carl about something as he held Alexis on his lap. I was about to call myself crazy when I noticed Sean outside the door to the deck, he was watching me and when I looked at him, he motioned for me to come over.

I shook my head, he gave me a look and motioned again before walking away from the door. I glanced around to see if anyone noticed, Amber was looking at me. "What was that about?" She mouthed. When I shrugged, she came over to me, "Sunshine?" She questioned. "Are you what he was talking about?" I didn't reply which only made her more curious. "What's going on between you and Sean? Are you...?"

"Nothing's going on," I told her. "I don't know why he wants me to go out there."

"Well," Amber glanced over my shoulder at Devon in the living room. "Maybe you should find out why and make a decision."

"Amber it's not like I'm encouraging him! He's..." I shrugged, "I don't know, maybe he's bored."

There was a light tap on the kitchen window, it was Sean; Amber went over to see what he wanted. "Why don't you come in here?" She asked once she opened the window a little, "It's cold out there."

"I'll be in soon Amber," he smiled at her and before turning away, he glanced at me.

Amber came back over to me, "Would you go out there so he will come in?"

Despite not really wanting to go out there, I felt bad. Making sure that no one was paying too much attention, I made my way out to the deck where Sean was waiting. "What's gotten into you?" I asked. "Why are you being antisocial when your family is in there waiting to spend today with you?"

"They aren't my family Janie, I don't really know them."

"Not your family?" I felt insulted when he said that. "Well buddy aren't you just being a jerk today! How dare you stand out here and deny them? They've done everything in their power to get to know you and to make up for the time they've missed and..." I glared at him. "What the hell are you doing? You were the one who wanted to find them! This," I motioned towards the house, "Is what you wanted! Isn't it?"

"You don't understand Janie," he stared off into space. "I miss my real family."

"Your real family?" I shook my head. "And who do you think Lucinda, Roger and Reed are?"

"That's not -"

"Screw you Sean, you have not one but two families who love you and you are sitting out here feeling sorry for yourself?" I was so angry. "You make me sick," I snapped. "Try not having a family at all. Try being alone during the most family oriented season there is. Not your real family," I repeated. "You don't deserve to be apart of this family!"

Without giving him a chance to say anything, I stomped back into the house, slamming the door behind me. "Of all the inconsiderate selfish jerks..." I muttered as I rejoined the girls in the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Sean came in from outside but instead of going to the living room with the guys, he came into the kitchen and directly to me. "Listen Janie," he was standing close to me as he spoke in hushed tones. "I didn't mean it that way, I just meant that I was missing my other family."

"Amber was there something else you wanted me to do?" I asked, completely ignoring Sean.

"Yeah," Amber replied hesitantly. "Could you start on the salad?"

"Sure," I walked over to the fridge to grab the lettuce and then stood at the sink to wash it off.

He followed me. "Janie I didn't mean to upset you."

I turned to ask Amber something and I saw Devon watching us, he didn't look happy at all. I wanted to tell him it wasn't anything but he looked away and returned to the living room.

"Sean," Lucinda pulled him away from me and I couldn't have been more grateful for that.

An hour later, we were all seated around the dinner table enjoying the fabulous meal that Amber created. Reed was sitting at the head of the table with his mom to his right. Next to Lucinda was Roger, then Sean, Madeline, Chris, Kelly with Gabe and Carl at the other end of the table. To Carl's right was Lenore, then Nadine, Hal, me, Devon and Amber with Alexis. There seemed to be a lot of people when we were all sitting down, I made a comment about that and from the other end of the table Chris and Kelly laughed.

"What's so funny?" Devon asked as I passed him the potatoes.

"Oh well, I guess we can tell everyone," Kelly glanced at Chris, taking his hand in hers as she beamed. "It looks like the table will be a little more crowded next year," she placed one tentative hand on her belly and smiled. "We are having a baby!"

Nadine squealed which seemed to start the frenzy of questions and congratulations. I turned to see how the news effected Devon and was surprised to see him smiling. "You're happy?"

"About the baby?" He shrugged, "I'm happy that she is happy, she was pretty miserable when we were..."

"Engaged?"

He nodded, "Yeah, she wasn't happy so this is good."

I wanted to say something else but I wasn't sure what would be the right thing to say to the man who's ex-fiancee just announced that she was pregnant.

Conversation turned to babies, taking care of them and the fun of child birth, I tuned it out as I focused on my dinner.

Just after Amber served dessert, Sean kicked me under the table. "Hey," I glared at him.

"How you doing?" He leaned in over the table. "I have to say you are looking better than the last time I saw you."

"Well the last time was the night of the fire Sean."

"Yeah thanks for bringing that up," Devon slipped his arm around the back of my chair. "Real smooth."

Sean ignored him and continued with what he was saying. "You look less like 'Spitfire' tonight, definitely 'Sunshine' material. You look beautiful tonight Janie." Across the table, I heard Amber gasp and saw Reed's fork pause in mid air.

"What?" Devon looked back and forth between the two of us. "What is that about?" He asked me and then asked Sean what the hell his problem was.

Sean raised a brow, "You don't agree Devon?"

All conversation stopped, everyone was looking down at our end of the table.

"Whether I agree or not isn't the point -"

"Oh?" Sean scoffed. "Then what do you think the point is?"

"I don't know what you are use to Sean but around here the only woman who should be complimented publicly at the dinner table is the woman responsible for the fantastic meal we were all enjoying," he turned to his right where Amber was feeding Alexis dessert as she sat on Reed's knee. "Amber, you truly out did yourself tonight. Not only is the food delicious but you made it all seem so effortless," he smiled. "Keep this up and we'll all keep coming back!"

A couple of people added their compliments as Amber blushed deeply. "Thank you everyone," she grinned, "I'm glad you could all be here with us tonight."

Devon sat back in his chair, a smirk on his face.

Sean glared at him.

Me? I thought Devon was right, Amber was the one who threw all this together, she deserved to be complimented at her own table, not me. But still, it would've been nice to hear Devon say I looked good in front of everyone.

It was a little uncomfortable from that point on, what with Sean and Devon both glaring at each other throughout the rest of the evening. I was really happy when it came time for us to leave.

Devon was pretty quiet on the drive home, I knew he was still stewing over what Sean said and I tried to get him to talk but he asked me to just drop it for now. When we walked into his place, he said he was going to take a shower as he disappeared into his room.

A half hour later, I was flipping through the channels on his satellite when he came out of his room and joined me on the couch. "What are you doing down at that end?" I stretched out my arms. "Come here."

"Janie, I-"

"Oh ok," I chuckled, "I'll come to you!" I started to crawl down the couch towards him. "Why are you Mr Grumpypants tonight?"

"Janie about earlier - oh," he sighed as I curled up next to him. "I can't think when you do that sweetheart."

"Oh?" I smiled innocently as I stroked his chest.

"Mmhmm," he wrapped his arms around me, his chin resting against my temple. "I'm sorry about tonight Janie."

"Oh don't be sorry Devon, what you said was right, Amber did deserve credit for the dinner tonight."

"I didn't mean that Janie. I meant -"

"Thank you for not making a big deal out of what Sean was saying."

"Argh!" He rubbed his hand over his face. "I wanted to punch his lights out - calling me out like that - who the hello does he think he is?"

I tried hard not to smile, "So it did bug you, that he complimented me?"

"Oh yeah," he admitted. "It's never easy to see another man hitting on your..." I looked up at him as he trailed off.

Normally I would've questioned him about what he was going to say but this time I just let it go, I didn't need to hear him say I was his girl, I knew that he was thinking it. I hugged him tight, "I'm glad we got to spend today together, it was a lot of fun."

We stayed on the couch until the early morning hours. It was the best way to end the perfect day.

Since that day we seem to be getting closer. We are still on the 'friends' side of the relationship line but you should see the look he gets when he thinks I'm not watching - it's so hot - I almost jumped his bones numerous times. I guess it's a good thing that I moved into the guest house; I can keep my panties on and...well, maybe that's not such a great idea cause I can't stop thinking about him in my bed.

Christmas Morning At Devon's

Soft Christmas music flowed from the many speakers suitated around Devon's living room as I sat, curled up, under a blanket on his couch Christmas morning. I was waiting for him, he was rattling around in the kitchen, making us some hot chocolate, before we opened the few presents that rested on the floor beneath the tree we decorated a couple nights before.

Closing my eyes, I leaned back into the cushions and thought back over past Christmas', I couldn't think of one where I was as much at peace as I was sitting in his living room. It was a strange thing - being at peace in the home of the man who caused so many sleepless night - but it felt right.

I heard his footsteps, heard the mugs as he placed them on coasters on the table in front of the couch and then I felt the cushions move as he lowered his body down next to mine. "Janie," he whispered softly as his hand brushed my shoulder. "You aren't sleeping, are you?"

I smiled, shaking my head as I opened my eyes. He was leaning in over me, his eyes were the first thing I saw. I lifted my hand to his cheek, my fingers tracing the shadowy outline of his stubble. "I'm just relaxing," I told him as he turned his head towards my hand, his eyes partly closed.

"We can open presents later," his lips moved against my hand as he spoke, "if you wish."

I shook my head, reminding him that we had lunch with his parents and then supper at Amber's house later. "This is the only chance we'll get to do it before we head out."

It was cute, his little growl of protest, as he turned to look at the tree. "Hmm," he turned to me, a smile on his face. "Let's just sit here, sip hot chocolate and admire our handy work," he told me as he moved to hand me one of the mugs on the table.

I laughed, "didn't we do that the other night when we decorated it?"

He gave a little shrug as he took a sip from his mug, "don't you think it's worth admiring again?"

Devon didn't wait for me to agree with him, he leaned back into the cushions, his shoulder brushing against mine as the rest of his body, from his arm to his thigh rested against me. "This is nice," he stated as his eyes drifted shut.

Taking a sip of the rich and creamy hot chocolate, I took a moment to observe him while he relaxed next to me. Devon was a good looking man, sucky thing was that he knew it and he used that to his advantage for years. I'll admit that it was his looks that first attracted me to him but there's something about him, something I just can't explain that kept me coming back for more when he repeatedly cheated on me.

Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I was naive. And maybe I'm setting myself up to get my heart crushed once more but I do believe that he's changed. He doesn't seem to be the same guy he was even a couple months ago; that guy wouldn't have gone out of his way to make Christmas special for me nor would he be there for me as much as he has been.

My eyes travelled from his closed eyes down to his lips. Mmmm, those lips. How many times have they sent shivers down my spine? I took a sip of hot chocolate and wondered how much better it would taste if I were licking drops from his lips. I bit my lip to stop from groaning out loud as I told myself I had to stop before the warmth spreading through me took control of my body and made me do something I shouldn't.

"I can feel you watching me," he opened open eye to peek at me before he closed it again and smiled.

"I was debating whether or not to kick you," I told him.

"Yeah right," he laughed. "Why would you want to kick me?"

"It's Christmas morning!"

He raised a brow and turned to me, his eyes wide open now. "Merry Christmas, here your kick?"

I nodded.

He looked offended.

"I wouldn't kick that hard," I explained, "Just enough so you know I wanna open presents."

"A kiss would work as well," he informed me.

"I know," I slipped off the couch and made my way over to the tree. "But you wouldn't stop at a kiss," I glanced over my shoulder. "You couldn't stop at a kiss."

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no!" He jumped off the couch to join me. "You," he tweaked my nose as he spoke. "Couldn't stop at a kiss; you can't control yourself around me, you want my body." With that said, he pulled his shirt up over his head, pushing his chest out and shaking his body, "you want it don't cha baby? Don't cha?"

"Stop it!" I cried out in laughter. "You're such a freak!"

He drop his shirt and grabbed for me, wrapping his arms around me as I stood side on to him. "Yeah, I hear you love me freaky baby! Muah!" He kissed my cheek.

I shot a questioning look at him.

"I'm allowed my delusions, it's Christmas afterall."

Laughing, I placed my hand against his cheek. His arms tightened around me as my gaze met his briefly before I turned away.

"Janie," his hand left my waist, travelling up my arm until his fingers gripped my chin as he turned my face towards him again. He was mere inches away, the aroma of hot chocolate drifted by my nose with every breath he took. "Janie," he sighed, his thumb tracing the outline of my bottom lip. I thought he was going to kiss me, I parted my lips, tilted my head back and waited. But he didn't, he just smiled and said, "Presents?"

I felt stupid as he pulled away from my to sit on the floor in front of the tree. And if the feeling stupid wasn't back enough, I started to wonder if he was even interested in me at all.

"Come on, sit down," he urged as he gathered the presents.

I stood there like a moron, watching him.

"This one..." he trailed off as he looked towards me and realized I was still standing. He leaned back, tilting his head all the way back as he looked up. "This is new for me," he said jokingly but when I didn't laugh, he sighed. "I'm trying to be a gentleman."

"What? Why?" I frowned, I didn't ask him to be one.

He shrugged, "I was told I was rude and crude?"

"Who told you that?"

Once again, he shrugged. "No one?" He chuckled but stopped short when I just stared down at him. "Look Janie, I'm trying really hard not to take you, right here under the tree, so cut me some slack and get your cute ass down here so we can open presents!"

My eyes widened, that was the Devon I was use too - telling me what to do, not asking. I knew how to deal with that Devon. I was about to say something to him but he had to go and throw me for a loop - he pouted and said, "Pretty please baby?"

I laughed, I didn't know what else to do. He didn't seem too upset at that though, he grinned and moved over so I could sit down in front of the tree with him.

"This one is from..." he opened the tag on the gift bag, "...my parents, to you."

"To me?" I was surprised, I didn't expect them to get me anything.

"Yes, to you," he poked around in the little pile until he found a matching gift bag. Checking the tag he announced that he found his from his parents. "I'm hoping for socks."

I shook my head, turned to the navy box on my lap, that I pulled out of the gift bag, and froze as I read the white writing. "Devon..." I adsently grabbed for his arm. "This box..." I looked up at him, he was halfway into his gift but stopped long enough to ask me what was wrong. "It's a Ralph Lauren box!"

"Yeah," he shrugged, "so?"

I stared at him. "So? That's all you have you say?" He nodded and told me that it was a store like any other. "No it's not," I exclaimed. "It's a freaking expensive place and..." I shook my head in disbelief. "You parents didn't have to get me something from there."

"Oh don't worry, it's probably socks."

I laughed, "What's with you and socks today?"

Grinning, he told me that's what he asked his parents for. "They never get me socks though." He turned back to his gift and I hesitated. He must've saw for he poked me and told me to open it and enjoy. "My mom loves Christmas because it's the one time of year dad doesn't freak out when she shops - open it, love it and wear it today when we go to lunch."

My eyes narrowed, "You know what she bought me!"

"Well she did ask me clothing sizes," he said with a shrug and ripped the cover off his box. "Damn it!" He sighed, turning the box towards me, "No socks."

"What did you get?" I went to poke around in his gift but he pulled it away, telling me I could see his after I opened mine. "Ok, fine," I started to open the box. "But they didn't have to get..."

Devon leaned over and kissed me.

"...me anything," I said against his lips.

"They like you, they want you to like them." He smiled, "They also want me to settle down," he kissed me again. "They know how I feel about you."

"Devon, I..."

He laughed and pulled away. "They aren't bribing you Janie! They just wanted to get you something nice. It has nothing to do with me."

I didn't believe him but I let it go. To be honest, I was stoked that they got me something for Christmas and really over joyed that it came from Ralph Lauren, I never owned anything from there, I didn't care if it was socks.

Of course, it wasn't sock. No, his mom and dad gave me a black slim-fit cashmere crewneck sweater and a pair of white pants.

"What did you get?" I asked breathlessly after spending a good ten minutes going on about how much I loved what his parents gave me, how soft the sweater was and how excited I was to wear it when we went to see them.

"Well..." he reached into the box and grabbed something. "I got socks!" He waved the black socks in front of my face and told me that he was set for Christmas now, that I could have all his other presents.

"What else did you get?" I laughed.

He glanced at the box, pretended to look embarrassed and whispered, "Underwear."

"Oh? Can I see?"

"Later," he grinned, "I'll model them for you."

I ignored that comment as he pulled out the rest of the stuff his parents gave him - a blue striped polo shirt, white chinos, a light brown cashmere crewneck sweater, and a plain white dress shirt. But out of all that, he held the socks by his side the entire time we were opening presents.

There were just four presents left under the tree - the ones from Amber and Reed for us and the ones we had for each other. "I'll be right back," he jumped up and jogged towards the bathroom, returning moments later with a box of tissues.

"Are you getting sick?" I asked when he said down. He told me no. "Are you going to cry?" I asked him jokingly.

"I might," he said as he pulled out the gifts from Amber & Reed. "Here you go baby," he handed me a box that had to be a foot squared and then picked up his tiny gift box from them. "I'm trying to figure out why mine says, 'and especially from Alexis'."

"Open it and find out," I answered as I untied the green ribbon that Amber had tied around the pretty solid red giftwrap.

While I carefully opened the gift from Amber, Devon ripped the ribbon and wrap off his. He pulled the inside box open and pulled out a piece of paper and read, "Alexis walked around the store with these in her hands the whole time were we shopping." He looked puzzled as he tugged back the tissue paper to reveal two different picture frames, one had child like writing that said 'Uncles are the coolest' with some little pictures (car, hammer, planet, baseball, saw, etc) and inside the frame was a picture of Alexis and Devon. "Hey, that's the day care," he said in disbelief. The second frame was a double frame with a picture of Alexis when she was a baby in one side and a poem in the other. Devon read the poem outloud, it spoke of having fun together and being buddies forever.

"Hmmm," he stared at the frame once he finished reading it.

I waited, to see if he would say something else but he just sat there staring at the frame. I asked him if he was ok, he nodded and motioned to my present. I reluctantly turned my attention back to the box on my lap and he finally lifted his head a little. He took a deep breath, let it out and finally turned his wet, red eyes my way.

"What did you get?" He asked, trying to get my attention away from him.

I lifted the lid off the box and pulled back the tissue paper. "Ohhh...." my breath caught in my throat as I my eyes misted over almost so that I couldn't see the picture of me as a little girl on the front cover of the scrapbook. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the tissue box inching towards me. I laughed and cried as I took them from Devon. "You knew about this?"

He nodded.

I dabbed my eyes with the tissue and then asked him what Amber did as I pulled the book out of the box. I got my answer on the first page, she had written me a note. "Janie, I know that this month has been a difficult one for you; not only did you lose your mom, you lost all the special mementos of the time you shared with her and of the important events in your life. I know that nothing can ever fill that void you feel but I hope that this book of 'memories' will help ease the pain over time. I hope you like it. Merry Christmas my friend, I love you, Amber."

I started to flip through the pages and I was surprised to see so many pictures of me, my parents, my old friends and places that were special to me. I was shocked when I came to my school years and found a copy of the inside cover of our yearbook and a brunch of messages from all my old classmates. "How did she...?"

"I believe Amber called every single person she could think off to make this for you."

"Wow." That was all I could say. I started to bawl all over again, thinking about how much trouble she went through for me. And then I started to bawl because seeing all the pictures and stuff made me miss my mom.

For the longest time, Devon held me and let me cry. When I finally calmed down, he handed me a new tissue and jokingly told me we had to get Amber back for making me cry. I smiled at him and asked to be excused for a moment, I wanted to go and splash some water on my face.

I felt a lot better when I returned to the living room a few minutes later. "Ok," I sat down next to him again. "Let's open more."

"Ok," he handed me his present for me before picking up mine to his.

"Wait," I held my hand over the little hole that he had just finished making in the paper. He looked up, puzzled. "I just wanted to tell you that it's not much and I will make it up to you."

"Janie," he shook his head. "I don't care if you spent lot on it or not, that's not what's got me excited."

"It's not socks," I told him with a grin.

"Oh damn," he chuckled. "I was hoping." He removed my hand from the gift and told me to open mine.

I was watching him as I ripped the paper from the box in my hands.

"Oh hell yeah!" He exclaimed when he pulled the lid off the large rectangle tin to reveal all his favorite cookies.

"You like it?" I asked nervously.

He nodded and pulled a peanut butter cookie out of the tin, "This is better than socks!" He took a bite and I swear his eyes rolled back into his head. "Heaven," he moaned as he chewed. I watched him eat the cookie, his eyes didn't open until the last bite was gone. "I gotta have another one," he told me as he picked out a shortbread.

"I'm glad you like it," I smiled as he nodded happily. "I wasn't sure they would turn out but your mom did tell me that you loved them."

"You made these?" His hand stopped in mid air, his cookie was almost touching his lips.

"Yeah," I shrugged. "Amber helped me but I did most of the work."

He dropped the cookie into the tin suddenly and shoved the tin aside. I started to question what he was doing but when he took back the present he gave me, I felt terrible. "I'm sorry you..."

Devon pulled me off the floor and unto his lap. There was no time to react, his mouth claimed mine and my toes curled! His kiss was that passionate! When he released me, I had to hold on tight to his shoulders for I feared I would float away otherwise.

"You really like it," I grinned stupidly.

"Yes, I do," he chuckled. He pressed his lips against mine once more and then told me it was easy to buy a present but to make one was really something special. "I never had anyone make a present for me," he told me. "Let alone spend hours baking, just for me."

"Well," I ran my fingers from his temple to his ear and smiled, "You are pretty special."

"So are you Janie." He gave me a squeeze, "Now open your present!"

Laughing, I pulled the box towards us and opened it. "Ummm...wow, thanks Devon." I smiled but really I was wondering why on earth he would give me a set of 4 glasses for Christmas.

"They are really cool," he told me. "Check them out."

Even thought I didn't want too, I opened up the box of glasses for him. "They are..." I looked at him. "What's that?" I was pointing to the smaller box nestled between the four glasses.

"I don't know," he smiled.

"Sure you don't," I chewed nervously on my lip as I pulled the jewerly style box from the middle and set aside the glasses. The velvet cover of the box lifted off easily, its removal revealed a brownish colored tissure paper. I glanced at him, he kissed my cheek and motioned towards the box.

"You can breathe," he whispered as I unfolded the tissue paper.

"Ok," I flashed him a smile as my fingers gently pulled the cotton covering from the box. "Oh!" I gasped, almost dropping the box.

"Careful," he slipped his hand under mine, holding me steady. "Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful," I took a breath. "I love it but you didn't have too."

"I know," he reached around me with his other hand. "Want me to put it on you?"

"Yes," I reached up to pull my hair away from my neck as he took the jewelry box in his hand and carefully lifted the white gold rope chain from its cotton bed; the little heart pendant swung gently as he brought it to rest against my chest. "I love the little diamond sitting at the bottom of the heart," I said as my fingers touched the pendant. "It's so beautiful Devon," I looked over my shoulder and he met my gaze. "I love it, thank you." I turned towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Thank you for making this Christmas special."

Out Of The Blue

"What am I going to do?" I was sitting in Amber's kitchen coloring with Alexis as Amber and her mom were making dinner.

"I don't see what the problem is Janie," Amber looked up from the vegetables she was peeling. "If Devon is fine with you being there with him, then why not -"

"Oh Amber," Lenore waved off what Amber was about to say. "Janie, if you aren't comfortable staying at Devon's place, or if you are afraid that he will take advantage of the situation then you shouldn't be there."

"Well mom," Amber stopped what she was doing. "Where do you suggest she go?"

Lenore's eyes widened.

"Mom?"

"Mrs. Sands?"

"I have an idea," Lenore exclaimed. "I'll have to check out some things but I'm sure that we can have you out of Devon's place as soon as you want to leave there."

"Really mom?" Amber raised a brow. "Where exactly are 'we' going to move Janie?"

Lenore rolled her eyes before looking at Amber, "Well if you were any kind of friend, Janie would be staying here and Devon wouldn't have a chance to push her buttons like this again."

"Whoa!" I exclaimed, holding up both hands in mock surrender. "Ok, I don't mind staying with Devon, he's been great since the fire. I'm not being manipulated by him, he's not pressing my buttons and to be honest, I like living with him. I just don't want to be in his debt! If we were living together, equally, then it wouldn't be a big deal!" I stopped long enough to ask Alexis not to slap me in the mouth with her giant crayons.

Lenore came over to the table, "What are you saying Janie? That you are seriously considering getting back together with Devon?"

"Oh," Amber came running over to sit down too.

"Well..." I grinned, "There's just something about him that keeps pulling me back. It's not even a bad thing, it's..." I sighed.

Amber squealed excitedly as she clapped her hands together.

"Oh Amber really?" Her mom looked at her. "Just because he's Reed's friend, doesn't mean he's good for Janie." She paused for a beat before adding, "Now Reed's brother is a good guy."

"Mom! No!" Amber whined. "Sean is a good guy but Devon loves Janie."

Alexis slapped her hands against the table, giggled and said, "Dada!"

"But your daddy is taken sweetheart," I smiled. "Plus your mommy would kill me if I looked at him that way."

"Oh no," Amber smiled at me. "If you want him, feel free. Sometimes he just drives me crazy."

I laughed and almost said something about not needing to hear what he does to her in the bedroom but instead, I told her that I wasn't interested in Reed like that. "And Lenore, as good a guy as Sean is, I don't..."

"Oh Janie," Lenore went on to tell me that I should give Sean a chance because I wasted enough of my life on Devon. "He's a good boy Janie, but you need a man. Some one who'll take care of you, not play with your heart."

"Mom you don't know Devon all that well, he really does care for Janie. Yes, he did screw up in the past but he wants to make up for it." Amber turned to me, "Tell mom what Devon did for you a couple nights ago."

I couldn't help but smile as I told Lenore about my outing with Devon and the hours we spent decorating his place when we got home from the store. "When we were finished, he lit started a fire and we snuggled together on the couch and drank eggnog. It was the most romantic thing we ever did together," I sighed happily. "It was the best night ever."

Beside me, Amber reached over and squeezed my hand, "It's the best feeling in the world, isn't it?" She asked. "Every time Reed does some thing romantic, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world."

"I bet you do," I grinned. "But now what do I do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's being great. I feel happier than I ever felt with him before but what do I do now? How do I let him know I'm interested in him like that?" I gasped. "What if he loses interest in me now that I'm interested in him?"

"Oh don't be so silly Janie! Devon isn't going to stop loving you if you show him some interest. In fact," Amber gave me a knowing look. "Put on something sexy and you'll always have his interest."

"Amber a woman shouldn't have to 'put on something sexy' in order to keep a man's interest," Lenore seemed to scoff at the idea completely.

"Is that so mom?" Amber raised a brow. "Then what was with those 'outfits' in your closet? You are telling me you never got all sexy for dad?"

"Oh Amber! Honestly!" Lenore jumped up from the table and returned to the stove, mumbling something about children thinking they know it all while Amber and I laughed.

"She's right though," Amber leaned in to whisper to me. "You don't have to put on something sexy to keep Devon's interest, you just have to care about him and the rest will happen."

I told her that I knew what she meant but I wasn't so sure that picking things up with Devon was the right thing to do at the moment. "I just want to get back on my feet, you know?"

She nodded, "Yes, I know all about it. That's what I was trying to do when I told Reed that I wouldn't move in with him when I moved back here. I needed time to find my place here and in his life. I needed to know that what I was feeling for him was real and not just residual feeling from when we were first dating."

I spent the rest of the evening at Amber's house, Devon came by around ten to pick me up and take me back to his place. Just after we walked in through the door, his phone rang and he ran to answer it.

"It's for you," he plopped down on the couch next to me and held out the phone. With a questioning look, he told me it was Amber's mom.

I gave him a shrug in response to his question. "Hello Mrs. Sands," I said cheerfully when I placed the phone to my ear. "What can I do for you?"

"It's more like, what can I do for you Janie dear," Lenore replied before launching into a story about her evening after she left Amber's earlier. I was barely paying attention so it came as a huge shock when she said, "Carl and I talked about it and we would love it if you would consider moving into the guest house until get on your feet."

Out Of Nothing At All

I was laying in the living room last night, flipping through one of Devon's architecture magazines, checking out different styles of homes I wished I had the money to build on my mother's land when I heard his keys in the lock. I sat up, a little nervous about seeing him, I had been going over what I was going to say to him all day.

You can do this, I took a deep breath as the knob turned and the front door opened slowly.

"Jan-ie," he called out in a sing songy voice as he poked his head through the opening. "Hey sexy lady," he grinned when he saw me sitting on the couch.

He was acting strange and that made me forget all about what I had been worrying over for the last couple days. "What are you doing Devon?"

"Oh nothing," he pushed the door open and whistled as he wandered in the door and crossed over to where I was sitting. "How was your day sweetheart?" He fingered the magazines that were scattered on the cushions between us. "Do a little light reading?"

"Uh huh," I smiled. "I was doing a little 'I wish' browsing."

"You know," he picked up the magazine I was reading when he came home. "I can do anything in these magazines."

I smiled, "Yes I know and you are very good at it too."

His face lit up, "Thank you Janie, I didn't even know you noticed my work before."

"Are you kidding me?" I jumped up excitedly. "I read all the articles about you and your designs, and I drove by most of the sites..." I trailed off when I realized just how stalkerish I sounded but it was true, I followed Devon's career very closely, I used to think I needed to know everything he was doing in order to be with him.

"I didn't know that," he told me in all seriousness. "I thought you were bored by what I do."

"No!" I exclaimed as I grabbed his arm. "I'm in awe of what you do, I can't believe some of the designs you do. I mean, Reed and Amber's home? That's beautiful Devon."

"You saw the folder of pictures that Reed had on that house. It had to be everything Amber wanted, she designed her own house."

"No way," I laughed. "It may have been Amber's ideas but you, you made them work and now they have a beautiful home to enjoy."

He shrugged, "It's what I do Janie."

"You are so talented Devon, why do you make it seem like it's not a big deal?"

"I also design boring office buildings too Janie."

"Yes but even then they seem to stand out some how."

He chuckled, "Be careful Sweetheart, I believe there are stars in your eyes."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. "Why can't I compliment you without you making it a joke?"

"Janie come on, I said 'thank you' already. I'm a guy, we don't handle all that mushy complimenting well."

"No?" I raised a brow. "Then how come you basked in the glory of my after sex compliments?"

"In the euphoria I feel after sex, you could've told me I was the worst lover in the world and I would've laid there with the same stupid grin on my face," he glanced at me. "I would've known you were lying, but I still would've laid there like a moron."

"Whatever," I grabbed the magazine from him. We sat there for a while in complete silence. I was ok with that but I guess he wasn't, he poked me in the ribs. I gave him a dirty look, "What was that for?"

"I was thinking about something today at work."

"Oh damn," I sighed. "It's going to storm now, isn't it?"

"Ha ha," he whacked my leg with a magazine.

"Hey!" I pulled the magazine from him and asked what he was thinking.

"Well, it's December 21," he paused as if he was waiting for me to say something but I just gave him a questioning look. He sighed, "I know the past couple weeks haven't been easy for you and maybe you just don't feel like it but I was wondering if you wanted, and you don't have too, but if you do we could, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all..."

I held up my hand to stop his rambling. "Devon what are you trying to say?"

"See the thing is, I know how much you love this time of year..." I turned away from him and he sighed. "Janie I know it's tough because you miss your mom, and I know I'm not a great substitution for her at all but I was thinking, if you wanted, we could go out tonight and pick up a tree and decorations and..." he reached out a hand and touched my shoulder, I turned to him with tears in my eyes. "Oh Sweetheart," he groaned. "I just wanted you to be happy, we don't have to go if you don't want too, in fact, I'll cancel Christmas this year!"

"You can't do that," I chuckled as I wiped away my tears. "There will be a lot of unhappy children if you do that."

"Oh I don't care," he moved down the couch towards me, pulling me into his arms. "I just want you to be happy."

"Devon..." I was at a lost for words, I didn't know what to do, so I hugged him and nodded.

"Is that a 'yes'?" He asked hopefully.

"Yes," I laughed. "I can't have you cancelling Christmas just because of me."

A half hour later, Devon and I strolled through the crowds of holiday shoppers, making our way towards the stores Christmas displays and I felt like I was 5 years old and it was Christmas morning all over again.

Until I stood in front of the seven foot tree I was falling in love with and I realized that I couldn't afford the stand it would sit in. "I can't do this," I walked away and instead of arguing with me, he just followed me, not saying a word until we were standing outside his car in the frosty evening air. Then all he said was, "I'm sorry."

He unlocked the doors, opened mine and stood there, waiting for me to get in. I tilted my head back to gaze up at him. I expected him to be upset but he wasn't. He stood there looking so calm as he held the door open for me; it was different than anything I could've expected from him.

I lowered my head and stared at my hands. "With all my mom's debts, I can't afford this Devon."

"Who said you had to pay for it Janie?"

My head shot up. "I can't let you continue paying my way and buying stuff for me Devon, it's not right." I took a deep breath, "I was going to tell you when you got home tonight, I don't think I should be staying at your place anymore, I've burdened you long enough."

"Burdened me?" Devon gripped my chin as he leaned down until his nose almost touched mine. "Listen here Janie, you are not a burden. If I didn't want to help you, to have you at my place, you wouldn't be there." He released me, "Janie, Janie, Janie..." he shook his head as he looked helplessly at me. "You have no idea how scared I was that night, do you?"

I stared at him blankly.

"God Janie! When I called Amber's to talk to Reed, she was freaking out, crying and mumbling something about a fire at your place and having to be there for you. I didn't know until I got there that you weren't even home at the time. On the drive over, I pleaded with God - do you have any idea how often I talk to Him? Not at all. But the drive over, I pleaded with him, begged and even offered myself to Him in your place -"

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I love you damnit!" I jumped, surprised at the force behind his words. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I love you," he repeated. "I know that I repeatedly screw our relationship up. I know I'm not the world's greatest boyfriend - hell, I'm probably the guy every mother warns their daughter about - but God, Janie! I thought I would lose you that night and it scared the shit out of me!"

"I heard all this before Devon."

"No," he shook his head furiously. "Not this. This is different."

"How is this different? It all sounds the same to me."

"It's different because I'm different Janie and so are you." I closed my eyes, he growled softly. "I know you don't believe me - I don't blame you Janie, I wouldn't believe me either but I swear it's true. This is different." He touched me, my eyes flew open to meet his. He gazed into my eyes for the longest time before turning away - I figured he saw he wasn't really getting anywhere and was giving up but as quickly as he turned away, he spun around to face me again. "This is different," he insisted. "If this were a couple months ago, I would kiss you - use your feelings for me to my advantage and make you see things my way - but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to ask you something Janie, if you want to do it - great - if you don't, then that's ok too." He waited a moment and then he asked if I was ok with that.

I considered it for a moment before nodding slowly, "What do you want to ask me?"

"Ok," he went to touch me but he stopped and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Janie, will you let me make this the best Christmas you could possibly have under the circumstances? Will you let me buy a tree and decorations? Will you help me put it all together when we get home? Will you make this the best Christmas I've ever had?" His lips twitched as he jokingly added, "I guess that was more than one question."

I went to answer but he stopped me. "Wait, let me ask that again, I think I can do better." I raised a brow as I tried not to laugh. "Janie," he smiled as he started again. "Will you spend Christmas with me?"

"I have a question of my own before I answer yours," I told him. "Actually, I have a couple."

Without hesitation, he nodded. "Go ahead, ask."

"I was wondering," I glanced around the busy parking lot, at all the happy families and I felt a pain in my heart. I shook my head, "No, I need to know that you are ok with me finding another place to stay. I need to know that you won't be expecting me to slip into the role of 'girlfriend' if I agree to stay for Christmas." I lifted my hand to his face, his eyes closed briefly when my fingertips brushed his jaw. "I'm feeling very vulnerable Devon."

Devon wrapped his hand around mine, holding it in place as he turned his head and kissed my palm. "I know," he lowered our hands between us. "That's why I'm trying not to push you," he smiled sadly. "I don't want you to leave after Christmas," he admitted. "But I won't stop you if that's what you feel you have to do."

With a gentle squeeze, I whispered, 'thank you.' And then tugged on his hand, "So what are we standing around here for? The tree isn't going to buy itself!"

I would love to say that we, with childlike abandonment, ran hand in hand back towards the crowded store but it wasn't that picture perfect. No, it wasn't like that at all. He walked along side me as I hobbled my way back towards the door, catching me every time my crutch slipped in the snow.

That was prefect.