Where Did I Go Wrong?

Devon refused to leave. He told me that until I listened to him, he wasn't going anyway and there was nothing I could do to make him. When I told him I could call the police, he told me to go right ahead. "They'll have to drag me out of here in handcuffs Janie because I'm not about to let you cut me out without hearing me out."

"Here you out?" I scoffed. "What do you think I'm going to do Devon? Stand here and listen to you tell me one lie after another?"

"I-"

"NO!" I snapped. "I had enough of that Devon a long time ago. I can't deal with him anymore. I want you to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere," he told me as I marched past him.

Without saying another word to him, I went directly to my living room and grabbed my phone from it's nest on my end table. Shifting Alexis to my left hip, I pressed the 'talk' button.

"Give me that!" Devon snatched the phone from me and tossed it across the room. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Leave me alone!"

"No," he shook his head. "I've done that before and I didn't enjoy it one bit!"

"Yeah?" I angrily brushed my bangs back from my face. "I've done the whole 'I like you but I'm fucking everyone else' thing before too and I hated it. I won't go down that road again Devon."

"I'm not fucking anyone!"

"Well if you aren't, you are thinking about fucking someone else!"

"No," he replied as he took a step towards me, backing me up to the arm of the couch. "I'm not thinking about fucking anyone; I'm thinking about making love to someone."

I turned my head away from him.

"I think about being with her all the time." His breath caressed my cheek as his fingers trailed up and down my arm. "I'd give everything to be with her once again. To feel all the tension drain from her body as she squirms under the pressure of my mouth."

Closing my eyes, I lifted my chin upwards stubbornly but didn't say a word.

His lips brushed gently against my cheek. "I didn't do anything to make you doubt me Janie."

"Huh!" I rolled my eyes. "Are you going to tell me she was nothing? Like you always do."

"No," he said softly.

I opened my eyes and met his. "I can't tell you she was nothing because I never did anything with her." He paused, studying my face. "Didn't you recognize her Janie?"

Frowning, I thought back to what I saw outside the restaurant. To tell the truth, besides knowing that she was blond and she was way too close to him for my liking.

"You didn't," he seemed surprised.

"No," I snapped as I pulled away from him. "Why should I recognize all your whores?"

With a laugh, he told me that in a minute I was going to regret that comment.

"Whatever Devon." I started towards the bedrooms with Alexis.

"Janie it was Laura."

I froze in mid stride. "Laura?" I shot him a look over my shoulder. "I don't believe you, she isn't a blond."

"She is now," he said simply. Reaching into his pocket, he fished out his wallet and pulled out a card. Passing it to me, he told me that I shouldn't be so quick to assume that he was cheating on me. "Especially when you were cozying up with Sean."

Ignoring that comment, I focused on the business card in my hand. My eyes landed on the picture first and then slowly I read the words. He was telling me the truth, it was Laura - his cousin.

"I was supposed to meet with Tom as well," he came up behind me and leaned in over my shoulder. "You remember Tom? Laura's husband?"

I nodded.

"He's a doctor, you know. We were in the middle of talking about the house they were hoping I would design for them when he got a delivery call - he asked me to take Laura home after we were done discussing what she wanted for her home."

I didn't look at him as I passed the card back over my shoulder. "I have to put Alexis down," was all I said before I high tailed it out of my living room.

Needless to say, I felt like an ass for accusing him of cheating.

Will I ever be able to see Devon with another woman and not think he's cheating? I wondered as I cleaned Alexis up and wrestled her into her pjs. I thought I was over it but after what happened, could I ever be over it?

The whole time I was putting Alexis to bed, I thought about how things were with him and how they had been the last couple months. He's changed, you know in your heart he isn't the same man he was before, so why do you get yourself all worked up over nothing?

I didn't have an answer to that when I left Alexis' room. I walked back out into the living room not really sure what I was going to do.

"Devon..."

He looked so hopeful as he stared at me from across the room.

"I'm sorry," I turned away. "I can't do this. Please leave."

"But..." I heard him curse. "This is bullshit Janie! I haven't done anything wrong in a long time but it doesn't matter to you, does it?"

I held up my hands, my eyes were closed tight because I was on the verge of tears. "Please, just go." I begged. "I can't do this, I can't."

When he cursed again, I opened my eyes in time to see him move towards me.

"What are you doing?" I demanded as he bared down on me.

His hands reached me first and then my body crashed against his as he pulled me to him. Before I could do anything - protest or push him away - his lips covered mine and I kissed him back with a force to match his own.

When he pull back a little, we were both shaking. Even his voice was unsteady when he spoke. "Don't send me away please." His tongue flicked over his lips before he continued. "I've been so careful not to do anything stupid to make you doubt me Janie. I need you so much. I - I -"

I raised a brow as he coughed to clear his throat.

"I love you Janie. Really love you."