Bathroom Confessions

I was preparing for the worst when Devon walked over to our table. I knew that he wasn't Sean's biggest fan and I thought for sure that seeing me with him would set him off on some kind of anger induced rage.

When Devon came to our table, he greeted Sean politely and asked how he was doing. "How is the job going? Keeping busy?"

"I have no complaints," Sean replied.

"Good, good," he was talking to Sean but he was looking at me. "Hello Janie," he flashed me that 'oh so sexy, heart melting' smile of his as he slowly squat down next to my chair. With one hand resting on the back of my chair, he told me that he called my office just before he came out for lunch. "I was wondering if you got my message."

"Your message?" I frowned. "I haven't called the office Devon."

"No," he chuckled, "my text message? My response to your message earlier."

"Oh," I shook my head. "No, I didn't what did it say?" I asked as I reached for my purse to pull out my cell. I had texted him earlier to see if he was going to call me that night like he had for the last few nights; we hadn't had many opportunities to spend anytime together lately. In fact, this was the first time I've seen him face to face in a while. I missed him so much.

As I flipped my phone open and pressed 'ok' to see his message, he told me that he wasn't able to make the call tonight. My heart dropped. "Read the message," he patted my leg. "I look forward to getting your response."

Without saying another word about the text, he stood up and told us to enjoy our meal. I watched him walk over to his table, totally hurt that I wouldn't be hearing from him that night and upset that he didn't even tell me why.

"Why don't you put your phone away?" Sean reached across the table in an attempt to remove my phone from my hand.

"Hey!" I pulled it out of his reach at the last second, "I'll put it away when I'm done," I told him. My eyes slid downwards until they were staring straight at the tiny screen and the words Devon sent me over an hour earlier, "Tonight I would like to do something a little different Janie. Will 6 be too early to pick you up?"

I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as I lifted my head to look towards Devon's table; he was deep in conversation with his lunch partner, he didn't see me look over at him. Turning back to my phone, I pressed a few buttons, typing out "6 sounds good to me. Should I wear anything special?"

A few seconds after I sent the message, my phone beeped to let me know I had a new text - "Just the smile you have on your face now."

I was just about to hit the 'reply' when Sean asked me if I was going to spend all of lunch on my phone with Devon. "If I was an insecure guy Janie, you would be crushing my ego right now."

"For some reason I don't think it would have any effect on you Sean."

"No?" He raised a brow. "You don't think that it's bruising to the ego to be ignored while out to lunch with a beautiful woman?"

"I'm not ignoring you."

"Oh I think you are, at least since Devon waltzed over here."

"Well it's not like I wanted to do lunch with you." The second those words left my lips, I wished that I could take them back.

"Of course not," Sean agreed. "You'd rather spend your day texting back and forth with Devon."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Oh I don't know," he shrugged. "I guess it's the first time I've been told I wasn't good enough because I don't swim in pools of money."

"What?" I stared, open mouthed at him. "How dare you say that? You don't know a damn thing about me if you think your wallet would be all of interest to me!" I tossed my napkin on the table and pushed out my chair. "And for your information Sean, you are a 'Johnson', that name screams money in this town!"

I had to get away from him before I left my hand print on his cheek. I stood up, grabbed my purse and stomped off towards the back of the restaurant where the bathrooms were located.

For a couple minutes, I paced the floor, trying to calm down enough to go out and finish my lunch without killing Sean for suggesting I was a gold digging whore. How dare he? He didn't know me! If I was a gold digger, then what the hell was I doing with Cary? He didn't have any money and I still loved being with him.

"I'm not a gold digger," I snapped at my reflection. "I can't help it that Devon comes from money, that's not why I like him."

Ring. Ring.

"Speak of the devil," I muttered before answering my cell. "What's up Devon?" I tried not to sound upset but it didn't work.

"What happened?" He asked me. "I looked over, you were gone and Sean had this stupid look on his face. I recognized the look; it's one I've had numerous times when I upset you." He chuckled softly and then asked what Sean did to piss me off.

"Oh nothing," I replied nonchalantly. "I just love it when people tell me I'm a gold digger. Makes me very happy."

"What?" Devon laughed. "You? A gold digger? Baby if that were true, why aren't you in my arms right now? I'll let you have all my money in exchange."

"I'm not a gold digger Devon!"

"Janie I know that, everyone who knows you knows that. Why does Sean think you are?"

I leaned back against the sink and sighed. "I think he's interested in me and believes that the only reason I won't go out with him is because he doesn't 'swim in pools of money'."

"Oh," Devon's tone changed. "You told him that wasn't why you wouldn't go out with him?"

"I shouldn't have to give him a reason Devon! If I don't to go out with him, I shouldn't have to justify why. I don't care what Lenore says or does, it's just not going to happen."

"Whoa, hold on a minute. Lenore? How does she enter into this?" I told him I didn't want to get into it but he insisted that I tell him. "You can't just say something like that and not expand on it Janie. What does Lenore have to do with any of this?"

"Nothing," I told him. "She just thought it would be nice if I asked Sean out."

"Uh huh," he didn't sound like he was convinced. "I'm sure she said more than that Janie; just tell me what it was."

"Fine," I sighed. "She doesn't think that I should date you because I've given you many chances and you ended up breaking my heart every single time. I told her that wasn't true and it didn't matter because I believe you have changed a lot in the last couple months; there are things you say and do now that you wouldn't even think of doing before. I told her I wasn't interested in seeing anyone else but she seems to think that I should date other guys, namely Sean."

I waited but there was nothing but the sound of his breathing on the other end of the line. Fumbling with the cold water tap, I said his name. "Please say something," I begged.

"Maybe she's right Janie," he said finally.

"No!" I cried. "She's not right Devon! I don't want to-"

"Janie, Lenore is right; I have hurt you over and over again. Maybe I won't this time, I don't want too, but maybe I really haven't changed that much."

"Devon don't say that, you have changed, you aren't the same man you were when we were together before."

"What if I am Janie?"

"No," I shook my head. "You aren't, I know you aren't. The man you were before wouldn't have let me stay with him and not expect me to put out. The man you were before wouldn't have taken the high road every single time another man challenged your role in my life. The man -"

"Janie I'm still the same Devon I've always been."

"No, you aren't."

"How can you be sure Janie?"

I lowered my head to gather the courage to say what my heart had been screaming for months now. Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head confidently and spoke clearing into the phone, "I didn't love that man as much as I love you right now."