Manhandled!

It seems that the world is getting even with me for breaking up with Devon the way I did. Now I don't normally believe in karma but after this past week, I'm looking over my shoulder.

Last Tuesday my friend Mia called me to tell me that she wouldn't be able to go because 'something' came up. Since Mia was the one driving and we were going to be staying at her parents cabin in the mountains, that cancelled our trip. I was so upset, I was looking forward to this trip to take my mind of my problems. I wanted to leave the memory of Devon high above the snow covered mountain while I cuddled up with some hot rebound guy for a couple days.

On Wednesday I slept in, arrived at work an hour later and got reamed out by my boss for a half hour about the dedication he expects from his staff and if I wasn't as dedicated as I could be, then I should really look for another job. I almost lost it because up until that day, I was never later, never called in sick.

Thursday was alright, I thought that I was over the bad karma vibe but Friday evening when I was walking downtown to grab something for supper, it changed again.

There had been a fire a couple months ago that ripped through three businesses, it was horrible but no one was hurt. I was walking by the chain linked fence that the construction company hired to rebuild on the site erected when they started the clean up a month ago when I heard wolf whistles and catcalls. I turned to see where it was coming from - a group of construction workers were standing together behind the fence, looking like they were getting ready to go home for the day - when I lost my footing and fell down. Hard. My left foot ended up under me and it hurt so much. I cried.

The only good thing about the whole falling thing? I didn't have to wait too long for someone to come by to help me up - a couple of the construction guys came running over. But I didn't want his help, I wanted to get up and walk away with my head held high.

"Leave me alone, I can do it myself!" I snapped at them and slapped hands away from me. I struggled for a couple minutes, trying to stand but my ankle hurt and my shoes slipped on the sidewalk.

A pair of hands roughly grabbed me around the waist. "For the love of God Janie! Just let me help you!"

The voice made me freeze for a moment before my eyes slowly travelled up the body of the man who held me. "Sean!" I gasped when my eyes met his. "What are you doing here?" But as I asked I clued in that the orange vest he was wearing wasn't a fashion error but a safety choice.

"I work over there," he nodded to the fenced area. "Put your hands on my shoulders," he ordered as he slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me to my feet. "There," he smiled when I was standing with his help. "You should be ok now," he let go of me.

My eyes widened in pain as my weight pressed down on my injured ankle. I grabbed for him as I felt myself start to fall again.

"Whoa!" He caught me, damn near crushing me against his chest in the process. "You hurt yourself."

"No," I lied. "I'm fine. Really." I went to move back from him to show him but it was pointless, my ankle was useless. "Ok," I admitted defeat. "My ankle is killing me, maybe I sprained it?"

"Maybe."

"I should call someone to come get me," I reached for my purse but it wasn't on my arm. "Where...?" It was on the ground where I fell.

"Yeah," he told me. "You should go to the hospital."

"I'll call Amber, she'll -"

"Amber and Reed have plans tonight," he informed me. "What about Devon? He works near here, doesn't he?"

"I don't think he would come running to my rescue."

"Sure he would."

"No," I shook my head. "Not now. We broke up a couple days ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Funny, he didn't look too sorry. Maybe it was the angle that I was staring at him from but he seemed happy about that news.

"Don't worry though, I'm sure I'll get someone to come for me. If you can help me over to that bus stop, I'll make a call and you can go back to work."

Sean glanced at the bus stop for a moment. "No," he said finally and in one swift motion he scooped me up in his arms. "I'll take you to the doctor."

Curtain Call

"You are doing it again," Devon's frustration was quickly turning into anger. "What's going on inside that head of yours Janie? You haven't said a word all night?"

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Don't be sorry," he said. "Just tell me what's going on?" He watched me poke at my food for a couple minutes. "If you aren't satisfied with your meal, we can return it and get a new one."

"It's fine Devon," I sighed, poking the mashed potatoes with my fork one more time. "I'm just not very hungry." I could feel his eyes on me, I really didn't want to talk about what was going on, I still wasn't sure what to do about it. Dropping my fork onto my plate, I looked up at him. "Can we just leave? I'm not in the mood to be out tonight."

He hesitated.

"I just want to go home," I repeated. "I'm very tired." Truth of the matter was, I haven't slept that much since I cheated on Devon with Cary. I couldn't sleep, every time I closed my eyes I pictured the smile on Cary's face as he gazed down at me that morning - he looked like he won the lottery. It was that smile that made me pick up the phone numerous times to see what he was doing but I always chickened out in the end. I didn't think I had the right to see him when everything was such a mess in my life.

"Janie!" Devon was giving me a dirty look.

Shaking my head, I tried to figure out what he was upset with. "What?" I looked around, nothing was happening around us.

"Nothing," he snapped as he caught the attention of our waiter. "Let's get out of here."

I wandered out of the restaurant as Devon settled our bill. It was a cold night but I didn't feel the wind through my clothes, I was too preoccupied by my own indecision. I hated it. It wasn't me, I've never been this way before. Growing up, I was always one to make a decision and stick to it, no second guessing, not 'what ifs' or 'buts' or anything. I made up my mind and that was how it was going to be.

But for some reason, this whole thing with Devon has thrown me off balance. I wanted to love him, to be with him but there was something inside me that was telling me it wasn't going to happen. That we wouldn't really be happy together. When I asked that part of me why we wouldn't be happy, I would close my eyes and see Cary's face.

"Let's go," Devon grabbed my arm as he came up along side me, pulling me towards the parking lot where his car was waiting for us.

The drive home was very tense, I could feel him watching me as I stared out the window but he never said anything and neither did I.

"I'll see you later," I jumped out the moment he stopped the car. I wanted to bolt, I didn't want him to come in but he was faster than I thought he would be. He stopped me half way up the walk.

"Janie you have been acting strange all night, tell me what's going on."

"Nothing," I lied. "I just need to be alone right now."

"Why?"

I didn't answer him.

"Come on Janie, tell me why!"

"I don't love you!" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

He stumbled backwards as if I struck him. "Wh - " he shook his head, a small smile on his lips, like he thought I was kidding with him. "What are you talking about?"

"I didn't want to tell you like this," I tried to explain which only seemed to confuse him more. "I thought that I was just going through a weird period - not wanting to see you or talk to you but..." I sighed. "I don't feel like I thought I would Devon, I don't pine for you. I don't miss you when you aren't around. I look for things to do so I don't have to see you."

He stared at me for a while, his jaw twitching under the pressure of this clenched teeth.

"Devon, I'm sorry. I wish I felt differently." I went to reach out to him but he grabbed my wrist, shoving my hand away.

"Don't even think about it," he snarled. "I don't need your pity or your excuses." He spun around and walked away. "Have a nice life you heartless bitch."

I wish I could say that I wanted to go after him but I didn't, I was relieved that he was leaving. The fact that he called me a heartless bitch didn't even faze me.

For that's exactly what I am.

It's been three days since that happened and I still don't feel the least bit sorry, Devon and I were over a long time ago, just neither one of us would really admit it. We tried many times to be a couple but this last time was it.

I have other things to keep me occupied, the biggest event being the trip to the mountains that I have planned for this weekend coming with a group of girls I went to school with.

No End To The Confusion I Feel

I was talking to Amber last night, I called her before I drove myself crazy. I needed someone to tell me that I was being silly, that things are fine between Devon and me, that it was normal to have moments when you just don't want to be with the guy you were with.

Apparently it's not normal at all.

"Are you talking about just having some time by yourself?" She asked me when I couldn't explain what I meant. "Sure, I like to spend some time doing some thing just for me without Reed or Alexis. But after a while, I just want to go home to be with him or call him to hear his voice."

"You haven't ever gotten there and thought that you would be happy on your own?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh my God! No Janie! I know what life is like without Reed, I don't want any part of that anymore!" She paused before asking what was going on with me. "I thought Devon was being the guy you wanted him to be? Didn't you say he was being more considerate and romantic?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Then what's wrong? Why are you asking me if it's normal to not want to see him?"

I shrugged, "I just don't always want to see him."

"Well, like I said some times you do need space to -"

"I'm not talking space Amber! I mean there are times when he calls that I pretend I'm not home or busying doing something so I don't have to talk to him. I've cancelled out of a couple dates just to sit at home and stare at the wall and..."

"And what?" She asked cautiously.

"I did something I shouldn't have," I admitted after a couple minutes of silence. I closed my eyes in preparation for the screaming that would come after I told her, "I went out with Cary last night and woke up with him this morning."

Amber reacted worse than I thought she would, I actually had to hold the phone away from my ear, she was yelling that loudly. She didn't like what I did at all, she didn't think I should be seeing Cary at all after what I did to him with Devon, she thought it was twisted that I would cheat on Devon with Cary when Devon was trying to be everything I wanted him to be.

"What the hell is wrong with you Janie?" She asked finally. "Who are you? The Janie I grew up with would never have done this to her boyfriend."

"Maybe I'm not the same person," I sniffed - yes I'm a baby, I cried when she started to yell at me. "I look at you and Reed, I see how in love you are with him and I really try to be that way with Devon but I just can't. I thought I could if he changed but Amber it hasn't changed, I just can't see forever with him."

Amber groaned, if she was in front of me, I would probably see her lower her head to her hands and pull on her hair as she did that - she always did that. "I'm sorry," I blurted out.

"Why?" She asked. "What are you sorry for Janie? Sleeping with Devon? Sleeping with Cary? Not knowing what the hell you want? What?"

"I'm sorry you are disappointed that I don't see myself with Devon like we both talked about before. I'm sorry that I can't pretend that I'm happy with him. And I'm really sorry if this affects our friendship, I don't want to lose you as a friend over this Amber."

She was quiet for the longest time, I thought she hung up. "Are you there?"

"Yes," she sighed.

"Are you mad?"

"How can I be?" She asked me. "I can't change the fact that you don't feel the way I thought you did about Devon."

"I'm sorry," I repeated.

"Janie, don't. I want you to really think about this before you do anything rash. If you really don't want to be with Devon, you need to tell him before it's too late. If you are just scared because of what happened with your parents, you need to let him know that and figure out what to do about it. If you just want some time, he needs to know. Whatever it is that you decide to do, you need to talk to him."

Talk to him. That's what I'm dreading the most. How can I tell him that who he is right now, isn't who I want to be with after he did this 'change' for me? How do I explain that who he was before wasn't who I wanted to be with either? How do I tell him that I can't think of any reason why I would love him when ever since I met him, I told him I did?

How the hell could I have been so wrong?

Posted In A Hurry

It seems like forever ago since Devon's attitude towards me changed for the better. He compliments me, he takes me out for romantic evenings - well at least that's what he's trying to do, he isn't really that confident with aspect yet, he makes mistakes and he gets frustrated when things don't go the way he wanted them too but I enjoy every second of it and I tell him that - but the most important thing is, he makes me feel like I matter to him.

He's doing everything I want yet...it doesn't feel right.

I don't know what's wrong. I thought that once he showed me he cared that everything would be ok, we would live happily ever after like Amber and Reed. But Devon is doing everything I wanted him to do and I still feel like something is missing. Am I crazy?

I have to be crazy, there's no other reason for it.

I want to write more but I don't know how to explain what's going on or why I think this way since Amber's halloween party for the kids.

Speaking of the Halloween party, I was surprised to see Chris and Kelly there, I didn't think Reed would've been ok with Chris around Amber but apparently he was the one who invited them. Chris was dressed as a priest and kept telling me to come to confessional some time! He looked hot in all black with the the cross hanging around his neck.

Amber, Reed and Alexis were all adorable in their costumes. I laughed so hard when I saw them, even though Amber told me about it. It was so cute and Alexis' walking around 'baa'ing cracked me up.

Sean showed up dressed as Tarzan. When Reed jokingly asked where his Jane was, he laughed and told him the only Jane there was me and I was with Devon.

Devon was the only one there not dressed in a costume. Devon didn't want to dress up, which really sucked because I wanted him to be a pirate and I would be his wench. He flat out denied me, no discussion or anything. So I went dressed as cat, in a really cool outfit with a bell around my neck for a collar.

For the most part the party was fun...the kids enjoyed themselves a lot and by the looks of it when I left the party, Amber and Reed were on their way to making another little sheep. At least I believe that's what the heated looks they kept giving each other was for!

Come With Me To Paradise

Tilting my head to the side, I smiled at him as my finger slipped into the fold of the bag he was carrying. "The greatest guy in the world, eh?" He nodded. "That's a huge title," I tugged at the bag playfully. "Are you sure what's in the bag will make me think that?"

He lifted his brow a fraction before leaning down to me. "Well," his breath was warm on my cheek as his scent filled my nostrils, making me shiver in response. "I guess you'll have to let me in to find out."

"Mmm," I lifted my head, my lips brushed against his jaw. "My mom is home."

"You want me to go home?" His tongue flicked against my ear lobe.

"No." Shaking my head softly, I slipped my hand around his. "I want you to prove you are the greatest boyfriend in the world."

"Lead the way."

I turned from him to unlock the door, he came up behind me, his bag carrying hand wrapping its way around me as he brushed my hair back off my neck. The first touch of his lips on my skin sent a shock through out my body, I felt my nipples tighten and a familiar ache between my legs. His touch always got a reaction from me, he also made it hard to think.

"Devon...door..." I managed to mumble.

With the bag carrying hand pressed flat against my abdomen, his other hand engulfed mine, taking the house key from me to unlock the door. "There you go," his lips caressing my neck.

Reluctantly, I moved away from him to open the door. I wanted to get him inside and upstairs before my mom realized that we were home. Mom hates all men since my dad left, I didn't want to have to hear her go on and on about men using you and dumping you when something better came along.

"Come on," I tugged on his hand when he stopped to take his shoes off. "You can take them off upstairs."

He gave me a puzzled look but didn't argue. It didn't matter anyway, mom heard us come in, she called out to me. "Cary called for you," she said as she appeared in the hallway. "He...oh, Devon, I didn't know you were here."

Devon smiled, greeted my mom and asked how she was doing. "I'm alive," she replied. Turning to me she continued on about Cary having called. "He seemed upset when I told him you weren't home, but he didn't leave a message, he just said he would call you later."

"Oh ok," I started to inch towards the stairs, pulling Devon along with me. "We're going upstairs now mom, I'll see you later."

I turned, put one foot on the bottom step and mom called my name again. "This came for you today," she held out an envelope. "It was sitting on the front porch when I opened the door earlier."

"Oh?" I reached for the envelope.

"What do you suppose it is?" Mom asked, "There aren't any marking at all besides your name."

I shrugged. "I don't know mom. I'll open it later."

"Oh Janie!" Mom groaned. "I can't wait that long! I've been dying to know what it was since you've been gone! Come on honey, open it please?"

Devon shrugged when I looked at him. "Go ahead, see what it is."

I was a little nervous as I ripped the envelope open and pulled out the card that was inside. Flipping it over so that I could see the front, I was more puzzled than ever. The picture on the front of the card was of two beach chairs sitting empty on a tropical beach with the sun setting over the water in the distance. The words, 'Wishing for another day in paradise with you', were prewritten above the picture.

"What's wrote on the inside?" Mom tried to grab the card from me.

"Don't," I pulled away from her as I opened up the card. Written inside, in deep red, were the following words;

"What I'd give to run my fingers thru your hair
Touch your lips, to hold you near,
When you say your prayers, try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man"

My heart was beating so loudly, I thought everyone could hear it. I glanced at Devon, he wasn't even paying attention, he was poking around in the bag.

Mom on the other hand was paying attention. "Oh! Who do you suppose it's from?" She glanced at Devon but shook her head even before the question formed in her mind. "Do you think it's from Cary?" She whispered loudly.

"What?" Devon's head shot up.

"Mom asked if this," I showed him the card. "Was from Cary."

Taking the card from me, he briefly glanced at it before tossing it onto the table mom picked it up off a couple minutes ago. "Too bad if it is," he shrugged. "I'm here with you now, that's all that matters to me."

"Aren't you the least bit concerned that some other guy is sending Janie love notes?"

"I know Janie loves me," was all he said to mom as he nudged me towards the stairs again. "Were we going up?"

"Yes," I gave mom a hug and said good night before heading up stairs with Devon following me closely.

"Now this is paradise," Devon exclaimed, his hand cupping my bum as we walked into my room.

Once inside, he asked me to go sit on my bed and close my eyes. I protested a little but I did as he said.

"I'll be right back," he must've left my room because I heard his footsteps on the stairs as he ran down them.

For a moment, I wondered if he was just going to leave me sitting on my bed like a fool but thankfully I heard him come back before my thought could run too far. "Keep your eyes closed."

Sounds of paper rustling soon filled the air, followed quickly by the sound of the paper bag hitting the floor. "That's not right," Devon muttered. "Janie where do you...nevermind, I know..."

Clinking, soon came and then a curse from Devon. "That's dumb!"

"Devon what are you doing? Do you need help?"

"Ummm, no!" He was at my side long enough to kiss me on the lips. "I got everything under control," he told me. "I just have to move..."

"What are you doing?" I asked again, it sounded like he was moving furniture.

"Nothing," he replied absently.

I sat back against my headboard, wanting so badly to peek but I was afraid that he would catch me and stop whatever he was doing. This was new of us, I didn't want to spoil it.

Five minutes later, I heard my door close and noticed that it seemed darker behind my lids. "Did you just turn off the light?"

"Shhh," he was at my side again. "I just need to do one more thing...keep your eyes closed." One arm slipped around my back as the other slid underneath my knees. "Don't be scared," he told me. "Put your arm around my neck."

Without questioning him, I did as he asked. Slowly, he lifted me from my mattress.

"Where are we going?"

"Over here," he took a couple steps and then lowered me onto a chair. He sat down next to me, he picked up my hand in his, bringing it to his lips. "Open your eyes Janie," he spoke against my hand.

I turned to him before I opened my eyes, and I was glad I did. If I didn't, I wouldn't have seen the uncertainty and the excitement in his eyes.

I realized right away that I was mistaken about where he set me down; it wasn't a chair, he placed me on the window seat. And he did rearrange some furniture, he pulled my make up table from the corner of my room, over to the window. He had cleared off my make up and in its place, among the light of a couple candles, he had opened two take out containers from the club.

It was the most romantic thing he had ever done for me, I started to cry.

"Oh no Janie," he wrapped his arms around me. "This was supposed to make you happy! I'm so sorry. I'll put it all back, I promise."

"No," I gripped his shoulders, sniffling as I pulled back to look him in the eyes. "I love it!" I exclaimed. My hands jumped to cup his face, "It's perfect." Drawing his face near, I softly kissed his lips. "You are perfect."

He chuckled softly, "I don't know about that but..." he motioned to the table, "I hear those are. This one," he picked up the container on the left. "Is Chocolate Mousse Cheesecake with some kind of raspberry sauce. And this one," he put the cheesecake down and picked up the other container. "Is a Chocolate Decadent Torte with some berries and creme sauce ." He returned that one to the table and smiled at me. "I wasn't sure which one you were talking about at the club, so I asked for both of them to go."

He picked up the fork that was resting on a napkin by the containers. "I'm sorry we didn't get to have dessert at the club."

"I'm not," I kissed his cheek. "This is so much better." I eyed both desserts hungrily, I wanted the Torte at the restaurant but now that they were both sitting in front of me, I wasn't so sure anymore. "I can't choose!"

Devon laughed, "That's the beauty of this Janie," he sunk the fork into the cheesecake and lifted it up to my mouth. "You don't have too."

Interruption

"I'll be right back," Devon stood up, telling me that he was going to the bathroom. "Don't go anywhere."

"I won't," I smiled at him. The night was going a hell of a lot better than I thought it would, I was having a blast, I felt that this was a turning point in our relationship but I was a little weary about it too. How could I not be? Devon hadn't shown me interest before like he did that night. I wondered if it had something to do with Cary or if he was really trying.

He did come to the office, I reminded myself. He never did that before. But he saw the flowers. I sighed. Although, he didn't seem to care too much about them, he didn't get mad like I thought he would.

I hadn't noticed that while I was thinking, someone had walked up to our table and had said hello. It wasn't until a hand touched my shoulder and I jumped that I realized Colin was gazing down at me.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he flashed me a smile. "You seemed really lost in your thoughts. Is everything ok?"

I nodded, "Yeah I was just thinking about something that happened earlier today. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing ok," he glanced around. "I'm waiting for my mom to show up, we have dinner here once a week to catch up on what has been happening."

"Oh?" I frowned, "but don't you work at your mom's daycare? That is what Amber said, wasn't it?"

He laughed, "Yeah, I do until she finds someone to replace Penny."

"Crazy psycho bitch!" I snapped before I could stop myself. My eyes went wide, I covered my mouth. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't worry about it," he reached for my hand, his fingers circling my wrist as he gently pulled it away from my mouth. "Penny was crazy, I tried to look beyond it, even defended her until I found out she was cheating on me and trying to ruin Amber's relationship with Reed."

I closed my eyes, feeling even more stupid for my outburst. "I forgot you were her boyfriend."

"Yeah," he shrugged. "One mistake that I wish I could forget about." His eyes went to the front entrance for a second before coming back to me. "So what are you doing here? Was that Devon I saw walking away from here a couple minutes ago?"

"Yes it was, we are having dinner."

"Oh," he scratched the back of his head. "I thought you had a boyfriend? Amber told me you did."

I smiled, "That would be Devon."

Colin's jaw dropped. "Devon?" He said his name like he thought I was kidding but wasn't sure if he should laugh. I nodded. "Huh?" Whatever he was going to say after that, I don't know. That's when Devon came back.

"Get lost," he snarled at Colin.

"Devon!"

He glanced at me before turning back to Colin. "Stay away from my girlfriend."

"Now that's not very nice Devon," Colin laughed. "I think I told you that before, you didn't listen, why should I?"

"Because," when Devon took a step towards Colin, I jumped up.

"Devon what are you doing?" I managed to get him to back up a little.

"Why are you protecting him?" He demanded.

"I'm not! I just want you to sit down so we can continue with our evening. Colin," I threw a look over my shoulder. "Is leaving."

Neither one of them moved, they were locked in some kind of stupid staring contest. "Devon please?" I begged as my fists gripped his shirt. "We were having such a good time, I don't want anything to ruin that."

Devon looked down at me, his jaw was clenched, his eyes were cold. For a moment there, I thought he was going to push me out of the way and beat the crap out of Colin.

"Ok," he agreed as he relaxed a little.

"Ok," I smiled, turning back to the table. "We were talking about dessert before you had to get up, I was thinking that the cho -"

"No Janie," Devon stopped me from sitting down. "I think we are done here."

I said, "But dessert..." the same time Colin snidely said, "Running out before dessert Devon? Not very gentlemanly of you."

"Don't you have something to do?" Devon glared at Colin, the tension returning to his body.

"Oh forget about it," I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. I heard Devon call out after me but I didn't stop. I retrieved my coat from the coat check and pushed out the door.

"Janie would you..." I didn't hear the rest of what Devon had to say, the door closed behind me.

I knew it would take a couple minutes for him to come outside with me, he had to pay for dinner but when ten minutes had passed by, I started to wonder if he was coming at all.

"Miss are you sure you don't want to sit in the car while you wait?" The valet had brought Devon's car around when I first come out through the door but I refused to get into it. It was idly running in the drive. "It's pretty cold out tonight," he told me. "The dining room staff informed me that your companion will be a couple more minutes."

"Fine," I sighed as I walked over to the car where another valet was holding the door open for me.

Five minutes after I got into the car, Devon finally came out of the club. "Janie I -"

"Just take me home Devon." I couldn't even look at him. Without a word, he did as I asked.

He didn't try to stop me when he pulled up in front of my house and I jumped out. I thought he was just going to drive off but as I walked up the path to the front door, I heard his engine go quiet and a door open and close.

"Thanks for tonight," I turned to him when he came up the steps to stand with me. "For the most part, I had fun."

"You speak like you think the night is over."

"I don't want to fight with you tonight," I told him. "I just want to go to bed."

His eyes lit up as he gave me one of his killer smiles. "That works for me."

"Devon I don't..." he placed a finger over my lips, silencing me.

"I'm hoping that you'll let me in," he informed me. "I don't want tonight to end like this and besides," he lifted his right hand up, showing me the paper carrying bag with the club's name and emblem printed on it. "I went to a lot of trouble to convince the staff at the club that they would be doing me the biggest favor when I asked for this."

I eyed the bag. "What is it?"

"Well, you'll have to let me in to find that out."

"Devon," I tilted my head to the side and gazed up at him. "Why can't you just tell me what it is?"

He gave me a devilish grin. "Ok, it's something that will make you think I'm the greatest guy in the world."

Dinner Club

I thought it would be better if I separated my posts from Amber's, so that's what I'm going to do. If you haven't read the first 12 posts that I made over there, feel free to jump over and read them all. I might end up re posting them here at a later date.

I wanted to post yesterday about my evening with Devon at the club but I just couldn't find the time.

A couple hours had passed since I had gotten the flowers and I still didn't know what to do about them but I knew I wasn't going to be taking them home with me on the off chance that Devon saw them and got stupid about it.

I thought I was safe leaving them at the office, Devon never visits me at work but what do you know? The one time I don't want him to show up, he comes waltzing through the door, whistling. "Hey there baby," he sauntered up to my desk and rested his bum on the corner, the smile on his face not faltering until he noticed the flowers on my desk. "Yours?" He leaned over to grab the card that was sitting next to them.

I tried to grab the card before he could but my reflexes were slower than I hoped. "Thank you for last night," his brow arched as he lowered the card, his eyes devoid of any emotion as they met mine. "What did you do last night that deserved flowers Janie?"

"I don't know," I grabbed the card from his hand.

"You don't know?" He repeated slowly before asking, "How drunk did you get last night that you don't remember?"

"I didn't get drunk," I snapped. "I don't know why they were sent to me nor do I know who sent them."

He was quiet for a moment. "Are you sure they were for you?"

I never even thought about that. "The delivery guy said they were for me, he said my name." Before I could stop myself, I blurted out. "I thought they were from you."

"Me?" His lip twitched. "Why would you think that? What did you do for me last night that I don't remember?"

I can't even describe how my heart sank. I was holding on to a thin thread of hope that for some crazy reason, he actually did send me the flowers. I wanted him to be the one.

"You're right, that was a crazy thought. You don't have a romantic or thoughtful bone in your body."

He chuckled, "Ah Janie, you know all this negative talk isn't doing you any favors." Picking up the card I had placed back on the desk, he read it again. "Thanks for last night..." he reached across and grabbed the flowers roughly. "I didn't think Cary could afford dinner, let alone something like this."

"Hey!" I glared at him. "Just because Cary isn't rolling in dough, doesn't mean that he can't buy nice things when he wants too. He just has to work hard for his money. There's nothing wrong with working hard Devon."

Instead of saying anything, he shrugged.

"What are you doing here?"

"Ah yes," he put the flowers down. "I wanted to see what your plans were for tonight. Another flower deserving date with Cary maybe?"

"Maybe." I really didn't have any plans.

"Well then," he held out his hand to me as he stood up. "I won't expect to see you around 7 at the club then." His arm slipped around my waist as he pulled me to him. "And I won't stop by your house around twenty to seven to pick you up either."

"There would be no point."

"Good," he smiled. "I'm glad that we agree."

Wait. What?

I wanted to ask him if we were making plans or not but he had released me and was on his way to the door before I could.

"Bye Janie," he waved and then he was gone.

I wasn't about to take chances that evening. I had debated it over and over in my head, I figured that he was doing it again, telling me what we were doing instead of asking. I was on half a mind to make plans and stand him up if he came.

But I didn't. I talked myself in to believing that he was going to be there at 6:40 and he was going to take me to the club for dinner.

And of course, I was right.

"I thought I'd swing by on my way out," he told me when I opened the front door for him at exactly 6:40 - what can I say? the man is normally always on time, I've learnt to be ready because he wasn't that patient when it came to waiting for me to finish getting ready.

"Good timing," I told him. "I was about to head out."

"Oh yeah?" He chuckled. "Were you going some place special?"

I have to say now, this little exchange and the one we had at work was very new to me; Devon never spoke like this ever. I didn't know whether to go along with it or what.

I decided to go along with it, maybe because I was too shocked to do anything else.

"Oh you know," I gave a small shrug. "I was thinking a nice dinner at the club."

"Here," he held out his hand when I retrieved my jacket from the hall closet. "Let me help you with that."

I hesitated briefly before handing over my jacket and turned around. This is so weird! Where the hell is the real Devon? Where's the overbearing, 'my way or the highway' brute that I'm use too? Who is this guy?

"So the club..." I could feel his breath on my neck as he spoke, it was giving me goosebumps! "...it's funny that you should mention it because I was heading there myself."

I turned my head towards the sound of his voice, his lips were just a breath away from my cheek. My 'Were you really?' came out huskier than I anticipated.

"Mmmhmm," the sound came from somewhere deep in his throat. It made me want to say the hell with dinner and go upstairs. "I could give you a ride if you like," his voice was low and seductive, any longer like this and we wouldn't make it to dinner.

I was going to tempt fate, I wasn't going to break away. I've been wanting this from him for a while now. I thought I was dreaming and I didn't want to wake up at all. "I would love that," I purred as I gazed up at him from under my lashes.

Hot, smoldering, that was the look he gave me.

His hands moved at my waist, drawing my jacket close. "We-ll," his voice cracked so he cleared his throat. And then the moment was gone. He backed off. "Let's get going, shall we?"

I wanted to scream and cry. I wanted to tell him he was a bastard for playing with me like that but then he held out his hand and I thought that maybe all wasn't lost. He didn't normally volunteer to hold my hand when we went anywhere.

"Lead the way," I grinned as I slipped my hand into his.

God, it felt so good. His hand wrapped around mine, his thumb softly stroking the back of my hand. The whole walk to his car, I felt like I was floating.

How mess up is that? That having him hold my hand means so much to me?

Dinner was great - well the food was great at least. And Devon was great too - he was paying attention to me and touching me - until he excused himself to the bathroom and came back to find that Colin at our table.